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July 1, 2004

The Storm Don't Last Always

In desolate times I wrestle at times/ Feeling so neglected at times rejected at times/ Hard to try to get out my mind hold to the soul/ Believing that its gonna be fine He's in control/ Letting go the walk in the know, forgetting the how/ Strong enough to wait for the when to weaken the now/ Put aside the question of why, this is allowed/ Running to the back of the line/ Looking for mine --Runnin, GRITS

I've been in a miserable funk for almost a month now. I've been trying to snap out of it. I'm in prayer. I have folk's praying for me. I'm trying to appear as if my faith is impenetrable, but to be honest, I've been worrying & doubting alot lately. I know that I won't always feel this way, but I wonder WHEN this burden will be lifted. I've even questioned my importance to God.

My brother said, "If God loves us so much, then why does he allow us to feel this kind of agony." I gave my brother every justification & scripture in the book to show him that God does love us. Then, in some kind weird ironic twist, I began to feel what my brother was feeling. Why would God allow this?

Then I realized that this is just a trick of the devil to keep me down. Michael Paul, over at Jesus Tribe, sent me a devotion via email a few days ago. The first line of the devotion stuck out to me. It read:

As a saint of God, my attitude toward sorrow and difficulty should not be to ask that they be prevented, but to ask that God protect me so that I may remain what He created me to be, in spite of all my fires of sorrow.
I thought to myself, "Wow. If I could only get to that point." Then I thought, "Why am I allowing my pain & misery to prevent me from getting to that point where I can ask God keep me steadfast in the the midst of turmoil."

Why am I? To insert a lame excuse...Because it's alot easier said than done.

Posted by Timi at July 1, 2004 2:18 AM