USS Clueless: Earth to Timi

We don't know if it was the killer who dropped him off at the ER, but we do know that somebody took the time to load him in a car, drive him to the hospital and then bounce. Never ID'd himself or anything...he just left. I don't understand the mentality of folks. I really don't.

I was really surprised my cousin's death. It was really unexpected. He was one of those people in my mind that I thought would live forever. He was just dope like that. He was untouchable. He was A-Pop The Mayor. He always loyal. He looked out for those he loved. He was tough. He never backed down to anyone. He was feared. He was respected. Above all that, he was my big brother.

Aaron always had my back. When I was wrong, he corrected me. When he saw me doing wrong, he'd always say, "I'm going to tell your dad." And that wasn't a bluff. He always did tell my dad. LOL. He taught me some of the most valuable lessons as a young kid growing up. I recall once when I was 7, our mothers had some type of Mary Kay party at the Hill Top Center. My brother and I were getting on my mother's nerves, so she trusted us into the care of Aaron, his brother and some of their friends. Aaron was about 17 at the time (I think). They took me to the gym inside of the center to play basketball with them.

Somehow, my cousin Bo found the pantry inside of the center. Inside of this pantry was all kinds of fruit. Bo took a box of plums. All the guys grabbed as many plums as they could and they stuck these plums into their pants. My brother and I saw this, so we did the same. I took a plum, and I put it into my pants. When my brother & I came outside, it was pretty obvious where we had hidden the stolen plums. LOL. They all started pointing and laughing at me. My cousin Aaron walked over to my bro & I. He told us to remove the plums and give them to him. We did as instructed. I had a sad look on my face because I really wanted that plum. My brother said, "That's not fair. Why do you get to eat them and we don't?" Aaron said, "Because what we did was wrong, and I don't want you to follow what we do." He taught us a lesson on theft. He said, "You can't do everything that we do. We know that this is wrong. You guys are to be better than us." After his lesson, he took my brother & I down to the corner store and he bought us candy.

I looked up to Aaron. He was a black belt in Karate. Each time I saw him he showed me a Karate move. He taught me how to be tough. He always said, "Never let your enemy see you cry. Never expose that weakness." Whenever, I attempted to cry, he told me to wipe my tears and toughen up. He would tell me that I need to be tough, but I also need to be a lady. So when I would sit with my legs open while wearing dresses, he'd tell me to close and cross my legs.

He was a cool dude. When I'd go places with him, he'd tell people that I was his little sister. The people would respect that. Once, a guy walked over to me and took a ball that my brother & I had been playing with. I ran crying to my cousin Aaron. He found the guy. Not only did he make the guy give me the ball back, but he also made him apologize to me. I thought that he was the best cousin the world. When he went off into the army, I was really sad. But he sent my brother & I cool stuff from Germany when he was over there.

When he returned home from the army, he was the same Aaron. I was much older. I was hanging with some shady characters, and Aaron told me that I shouldn't hang with them. Man...one time I was standing on a corner waiting for a friend & Aaron just embarassed me. He said, "T get off the corner." I told him that I was waiting for my friend. He said, "I don't care who you're waiting for. I said get off of the corner." I stood there a little longer and I heard, "I SAID GET OFF OF THE DAMN CORNER. I'M NOT PLAYIN WITH YOU GIRL!" He was standing behind me, and everyone in the vicinity was staring at me. It's a good thing that I wasn't from that side of town. As I walked off, he said "And you better not cry." I was totally embarassed, but I understood his sentiment. He wasn't telling me to leave to be mean. He was telling me to leave because the corner was not a good place for a young lady to be. Bad things happen on "the corner". Intentions are mistaken on "the corner". Drama happens on "the corner". So, needless to say, I forgave him for embarassing me.

Aaron once said that if he died, he didn't want anyone to cry for him. He said that tears symbolized regret, and didn't regret anything that he's done in his life. So now, I'm sitting here filled with so much emotion and all I can think of is Aaron saying, "Toughen up!" I don't know if I can be tough. I've been tough all day. I'm wrestling between toughness and tears. And to be honest, the toughness is giving way to the tears. It's sinking in that my big brother is gone. I don't understand why, but it hurts. It hurts like hell.