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October 31, 2004
Pre-Election Rambling
Election Day is just a few days away. For the first time (in a long time), I can honestly say that I am at peace with my voting decision. I'm going to vote on Tuesday, and I'm going to walk away feeling that I've done my ancestors proud. I want November 2 to be over & done with. I'm sick of the mudslinging & backbiting. I'm sick of the nasty political ads. I'm sick of "vote or die". I'm sick of hollywood liberals & conservatives. I'm sick of religious people trying to sway our votes. I'm sick of the media overdosing on campaign coverage. When November 2 is over & election results are final, I'm going to breath a huge sigh of relief.
I'm really starting to despise politics. That statement is a bit amiss because I have my degree in Political Science & I spent most of the weekend volunteering for the state Democratic Party. I've never been more bored with handing out campaign flyers & pins ever before in life. I used to love doing this stuff while in college. I don't know what has caused the change of heart. However, I do know that if I have to hand our another flyer, another pin, stump for another politician or make another phone call, then I'm going to go nuts.
On Church & Politics
Following church this morning, a fellow parishioner inquired about my voting decision. On any other day, I would've told him who I planned to vote for. However today, I didn't. In fact, I was rather offended by him asking. The offense took place, not in his asking, but how he went about asking me. He said, "You aren't voting for those faggot loving democrats are you?" I was so offended by what he said. He wasn't inquiring about my decision, instead, he was trying to influence my decision. I don't like that. I have a severe disdain for Christians who try to use guilt to influence others to vote.
I am a Christian who firmly believes that should be a separation between the church & the state. This is why I have issues with Democrats who infiltrate black churches during election season. I have issues with Pastors who allow this as well. I have issues with religious Conservatives who make statements like "It's a grave sin to vote for anyone except Bush." IT'S A GRAVE SIN THAT YOU JUST LIED TO YOUR PEOPLE! Why do churches, that are heavily involved in politics, recieve tax exemptions? That really should not be. A person be influenced to vote based on the issues in his/her community & the issues that are affecting them personally....not because of some wacky religious agenda. I really believe that God looks down on us & gets the best laughs.
On Voter Turnout
Someone has to be the killjoy, so I've decided that I'll take on that role. I'm sick of vote or die campaigns. I'm sick of them because I really do not believe that they will serve the purpose intended. There's one thing to get a bunch of knuckeheads registered to vote. It's another thing to get these kids out to actually vote. This is fallacy of Vote or Die (or any other campaign geared toward the youth generation). I commend the efforts of the people running these campaigns to encourage young people (especially young black people) to register to vote, but what's going to happen on election day? Are their going to be buses waiting in the hood to take these young folks to the polls? You've seen the tragedies happening in the hood. You've seen David Banner show you his hood & home with no running water on tv. You've heard the young people talk about how tough their life is. What are you going to do about that?
I believe the answer in simple. Absolutely nothing. The same complacency that existed prior to the voter registration is going to be present on election day. Maybe I'll be proven wrong. Maybe I won't. One thing remains true. That is, the real issue is not in getting these kids to register to vote (although that is VERY important), the real creme de la creme is getting these kids to the polls so that they can vote. Until then, I'm calling the bluff.
Complacency is our biggest issue. And it doesn't help when you hear folks say things like, "Bush already won, so why vote?" This discourages people from voting. When one believes that his vote will count for anything, then he's not going to vote. We have to get out of that kind of thinking.
On Hood Politics
Bush nor Kerry can't turn your neighborhood into Disney Land. Your 'hood is not the President's problem. I know that sounds a bit harsh, but it's true. The problems in your community can not be fixed by the President of the United States. If a candidate tells you that he can fix your community, then you shouldn't vote for him because he just lied to your face. Your community's problems are to be dealt with by your CITY COUNCIL (ward, township...whatever you call it). This is why you hire these people. This is why district representation exists...so that the voices of the people can be heard in City Council. You don't elect these people just to have them sit in city hall collecting nice paychecks. That actually have a job that they're supposed to do.
So blame the City Council for your community's woes. Blame the mayor as well, because he has the ability to bring about change as well. The mayor is elected to deal with issues such as urban deterioration. If your city's elected officials aren't making working to make your life better, then you need to vote for somebody who will.
Final Thoughts
Please be certain that you will be content with your vote on Tuesday. You can't change your vote once it's complete. As for myself, I'm more content that ever before. I believe that my vote will make a difference. I hope that you believe the same.
Posted by Timi at 9:16 PM
October 27, 2004
This & That
Random stuff. I'm saving the serious posts for another day...
-- I've updated my showcase radio blog. I'll be doing that quite often. The J. Moss had graced its presence for a little bit. I've removed that album & replaced it with The Cross Movement's latest CD entitled "Higher Definition". Adam will be blessing this site with a review of the album, so be on the lookout for that. Until then, listen to the album in the showcase to the right.
-- I was cleaning out my email cache when I found a file that my brother sent me almost a year ago. It is hillarious. Check it out:
Funny mouse clip
-- I think Talib Kweli outdid Mos Def this time...but that's just me. Oh yea...and both of their albums SUCK! Mos Def really disappointed me. His CD is REALLY hard to swallow. I know it's different & experimental, but dang. What is up with that dude?
-- Speaking of Talib Kweli...I am LOVING his song "Black Girl Pain". That's like the best song on the album. The hook is sweet & the lyrics are tight (thanks in part to Ms Jean Grae).
Black Girl Pain | please right-click & save to your OWN computer. Thanks :)
My mama said life would be this hard
Growin up days as a black girl scarred
In every way still we've come so far
They just know the name they don't know the pain
So please hold your heads up high
Don't be ashamed of yourself know I
Will carry it forth til the day I die
Cause they just know the name they don't know the pain black girl
That's tight. I have a black girl name. The song reminds me of everything my my grandmother, my mother & my aunts taught me growing up.
-- Who's idea was it to remake Harold Melvin's "Wake Up Everybody"? Whoever decided to make that a group effort...I just wanted to let you know that my feelings are hurt. In your attempts to create another "We Are The World" rip-off, you ruined a wonderful song. AND...you let Jadakiss, Fabulous & Missy rap on it? I am so hurt. It could've been nice if it were only Jaheim & Brandy singing, but that's not the case. You had to add Wyclef, Ashanti, Monica, Mary J & all the rest of the gang. I will never forgive for this atrocity. Yea yea...I know it's to promote youth voting, but couldn't you find another song to ruin? A song that isn't by Marvin Gaye, Harold Melvin or Ray Charles? Could that have been asking for too much? Ugh!
-- Less than a week away before the election and I'm feeling wordy. I plan to write an entry about my thoughts on voting in a few days.
-- Napoleon Dynamite is like the coolest movie EVER. Heck yea it is! I've watched that movie 4 times and I crack up each time I see it. You have to check it out.
-- My friend Tema is pregnant with her 4th child. This is her 4th baby in 6 years. She says that she's not going to stop having babies until she has a boy. I used to talk to Tema's husband before they married. I'm glad our relationship never evolved beyong talking. Lawd...he moves too fast for me. I know that I said I wanted 12 boys, but I'm beginning to reconsider. I don't want that kind of stress on my body. At the rate Tema & Don is going, their going to have 20 kids by the time they are 30. And the two are 25 & 27 respectively.
-- Peyton Manning has a funny shaped head. I can just imagine the pain his mother endured during labor. I pray that my kids dont have big heads.
-- I want to be married at least a year before I even begin to think about children. I want my husband & I to have fun before we bring a child into the union. I want to travel to South Africa. We could walk, hand in hand, along the beaches of the Caribean. We could stay out all night & talk all day without having to worry about whining of a baby. We can star gaze, play board games, cuddle & have peaceful romantic evenings...ummm make that at least 2 years before we think about children.
-- iTunes is killing my credit card. I'm gonna have to revert back to Warez or something. This is too much.
-- I'm hooked on ebay. I become a mad woman during these auctions. I bid & then I begin to pray that somebody outbids me. LOL. I begin to realize that these auctions can get kinda pricey and that TOO is killing my credit card.
-- I'm getting sick of John Legend & his album hasn't even dropped yet. I'm being bombarded with too much of him at one time. It's starting to annoy me. I'm not feeling Mr. Legend like that. However, I do like this song "Refuge". That song is really nice. I might (and thats a long shot) buy his album. I heard his live joint. I wasn't moved by it.
-- Is it just me, or did Nas screw up the words to Tupac's "Keep Your Head Up" on VH1's Hip Hop Honors? I seem to be the only person who noticed, but your boy skipped a line or two in the song. Not only did he skip a line, but he tried to play it off. Could it be that Nas didn't know all the words to Tupac's song? So sad!
-- Feet is plural. So why do we say pair of feet? Feet already means two, so when you add pair that increases it by two. So pair of feet is 4 foots in essence. Why don't say pair of foot?
-- I just got Deja Vue! This is weird. I think that Deja Vue is simply things that took place in a spiritual realm that are now being manifested in the natural. It's like God's way of letting us know that we are where He wants us to be.
Posted by Timi at 10:35 PM
October 22, 2004
Catch A Matinee
Today was rather relaxing. I had lunch with friends, shot some pool & later we caught a matinee. The cost of American cinema is just outrageous. I refused to pay $9 to see a movie in the evening. Fortunately, for us, my friend Sharelle got free movie tickets from her job and we were able to catch the matiness for F-R-E-E. After watching the movie, I'm glad we saw it for free. Had I paid for that movie, I would've be real to'd.
Oh Snap! The little girl from THE RING escaped & now wreaking havoc in a haunted house! Ok...not exactly, but that's the feeling I got while watching THE GRUDGE. This is the most disturbing movie I've seen in a long time. That's not a good thing. I should've know that the movie was going to be dumb when I saw the PG-13 rating. NOTE TO READERS: IF IT'S KID FRIENDLY, THEN IT'S NOT A HORROR MOVIE.
The Grudge is just a bad movie all around. I don't know diddly squat about cinematography or anything, but this movie sucked. It has it's moments of chills & screams, but other than that it's just retarded. The movie had me thinking, "What the heck?", "Huh?" & "Who is that?" all at the same time. That's not a good thing. I didn't understand the plot. In fact, I don't even think there was a plot. I just couldn't decifer a logical point to the film. I was searching for reviews online AFTER I saw the movie (Im such a brainiac). I found one review that summed up my thoughts on the plot of the movie.
Not that logic is ever the major player in a boogeyman flick, but it’s nice to have at least a hint of it somewhere. It’s also nice to know who the boogeyman is and whether he or she has any concrete goals or career expectations. None of these things are clear in “The Grudge.�
I wish I had read that before we saw this movie. The myth in Japan is if a person dies a horrible death, then that death stays in the house & wreaks havoc on its occupants. Interesting premise for a ghost story, but The Grudge is another typical horror flick. The movie switches back & forth from past to present, just to show what happened to certain characters in the movie. That was confusing too. I'll admit it, I jumped once or twice during the movie. However, it was just too stupid to frighten me.
One theme in all scary flicks remains consistent. That is white girls do REALLY stupid things and then they die. NOTE TO HUMANITY: DO NOT INVESTIGATE THE NOISES IN YOUR ATTIC. IF YOU DO, THEN YOU TOO WILL DIE. I don't understand why people choose the point of danger instead of the point of no return.
If you see a monster coming for you, please DO NOT run upstairs. Run out the door, jump out the window...do SOMETHING other than run upstairs.
If you hear the meow of a cat in your attic and you KNOW that you don't own no cats, JUST RUN. RUN ANYWHERE BUT TO THE ATTIC.
If you see a dead person walking toward you in slow motion, don't stand there! RUN! YOU HAVE TIME TO ESCAPE!
This is how white people die in movies. Where is the common sense?
If you think that that THE RING was frightening, then you may actually like this movie. For clarification, The Grudge is alot better than The Ring. So, if you liked The Ring, then The Grudge is the movie for you. But if you knew anything good, you'd go find a bootleg or wait until the movie comes on the USA Network.
Geez...I hope White Noise doesn't let me down.
Posted by Timi at 7:22 PM
I Love Jesus & I Love You
A little something that I found while reading Pookey's site
Take the quiz: "WHAT RELIGION BESTS SUITS YOU?"
True Christian
You are humble, gracious, kind and extremely Christ-like. You believe in the bible as your law, but read it in its original language. Perhaps you're not a scholar, but you're not an armature either. You normally don't feel church is acceptable for your form of worship, and if anyone believes different from you, you might try to learn something from them.
All of the possible quiz results for this quiz:
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Posted by Timi at 7:06 PM
October 20, 2004
Emotional Drainage
I am emotionally drained. I can't think functionally & my vision is foggy. I had intended to write about my defense of George W. Bush against verbal spewage, but I don't feel like going into detail right now. I need rest. I need a break. So, I took the day off from work.
I know that if I had gone into work today, I would've left early so I didn't go at all. My mind has been on planet nowhere later. I need peace of mind. I think that I'll just lay back & relax. I'll focus on nothing but my well being. I'm doing this for my own sanity.
Posted by Timi at 9:41 AM
October 17, 2004
Football, Football & More Football
Have I mentioned that I LOVE football? If I haven't, then I really do. My Eagles are 5-0, and I'm loving it! Whats so interesting about football is the intellectual conversations the spur from matchups. Today, I had a very intellectual conversation with a random chick. She & I were talking about football & social issues as if were coach buddies. I have a new friend. A person of my kind. A hardnosed football lover who's in tune with social issues. AND SHE'S A WOMAN. I feel the sisterhood bond already.
She & I were introduced by my friend Tony. She's Tony's "friend". Earlier in the week, he was bragging about how "mad cool" she was and how he talks to her like he talks to his boys. He said that he would bring her over so we all could watch the game. I was a bit apprehensive about bringing a chick into the mix. The only woman I know of, besides myself, who's even interested in football is Ty. Ty's interest in football is limited to Eagle action.
I am an all-around football fan. I will watch any kind of football. I grew up watching it with my dad & my brothers. I understand the game. And prior to today, I'd never met another woman of my equal. Tony introduced her to me as Dee. I didn't ask her if "dee" was short for anything. We (Tony, Dee, Jay, Steve & myself) all sat around eating food, watching the game & talking politics. Dee made an instant impression when she called an onside kick in the second half by the Philadelphia Eagles.
Dee had me skeptical. I was thinking that Tony dragged her to my home against her will. That wasn't the case because she came on her own valition. So when she just randomly spotted the onside kick, I thought the girl was bonkers. However, when I saw that was right, I was shocked. I didn't give her credit for having football knowledge. I took it as me overlooking the play. As the game progressed she & I began talking about football & I thought I was in heaven. Dare I admit that she's a bigger Eagles fan than myself? I think she is. She was dropping Eagles history left and right. She was giving me stats that I'd never heard before. She isn't just a fan...she's a freak of nature.
I was enjoying myself. We watched the Pittsburgh/Dallas game. I didn't want to watch that game, but I chose to. I don't like Dallas, but I wanted them to win. I have beef with the Pittsburgh. My disdain for the team is personal. Dee asked me why I disliked The Steelers. I gave her my reasons. #1 They stole Duce Staley, #2 They stole Duce Staley, #3 I can't beat them in ESPN Football & #4 They've done Duce Staley wrong this season. Down with the Pittsburgh Steelers. People might laugh at that reasoning, but how would you feel if the same team keeps beating you over and over again?
I thought Dallas could pull off a win. They choked. I thought their defense was good. It's not. I'm not impressed by Ben Rothlesbooboo. We'll see how magical he is again the Eagles, but that game is weeks away. Dee was calling the defensive on Pittsburgh. She knew the Steelers would blitz & cause Dallas' QB to fumble. This girl was unbelievable. I cut the game off after that play.
We decided to play Madden 05 on XBox. I let Dee choose Philadelphia & I chose Seattle. I won. Nobody beats me in Madden...not even the Pittsburgh Steelers. Jay & I teamed up against Dee & Steve for another game. We chose Philadelphia and they chose Pittsburgh. They were beating us 32-3 before we came back on them in the 4th qtr. J.R. Reed ran a kickoff back for a touchdown. I ran Brian Westbrook for 2 touchdowns. The hit stick is a beautiful thing. We used the hit stick to cause the Steelers QB to fumble & Javon Kearse ran the fumble in for a touchdown. We went for the 2-point converstion and got it. The score was 32-29. We were down 3 points with 1:12 left. Dee & Steve through an interception on the goal line. We did a Hail Mary play. Jay threw the ball to Me (as TO) and I darted down the field for 75 yards. We had the lead. This was too much. We beat them 36-32. I had to do my usual trash talk. Nobody beats me in Madden.
Madden 05 is the greatest. Football is a beautiful thing, I have a new sisterfriend. The End.
Posted by Timi at 9:12 PM
Blacklisting
MT Blacklist for Movable Type Version 3.11 is pretty vicious. That's a good thing when it comes to spammers. I haven't had to worry about spam mail on my site since installing the new version of MT. It's wonderful. It stops the spammers dead in their tracks. I can't complain about that. However, there is a drawback to Blacklist. It's so precise that it even blocks REAL users. I just happened to check out my Blacklist Log. I saw that comments from, Nexy, Enigma & Quinton were blocked. Each were blocked because of a blacklist combination in each's url or email. I deleted the blacklist combination from the black list. However, I was unable to recover the comments. My apologies folks. You will be allowed to comment on the site now.
Posted by Timi at 8:55 PM
October 11, 2004
The J Moss Project
I've been a bit apprehensive about purchasing gospel music lately. Of the Four CDs, that I purchased prior to October, 3 were very disappointing. So, when I heard that J. Moss was dropping an album, I didn't get too excited. However, when I heard a couple of the album's singles over at NuthinButGospel.com I got really hyped.
J. Moss is a highly regarded producer in the gospel music industry. He has produced for the likes of Karen Clark-Sheard, Men of Standard, Dawkins & Dawkins & Marvin Sapp. He has always worked with several secular artists such as Kelly Price, Lil Mo', Dru Hill & Michelle Williams. His very distinctive voice & style makes him one of the saught after producers in music. His album, The J Moss Project, is perhaps the most highly anticipated gospel album of the year. J. Moss & Paul Allen, collectively known as PAJAM, prove that the Gospel music talent pool is still quite full.
I pre-ordered the CD & it arrived at my home on Saturday. I've had it on constant replay ever since. I was not disappointed at all. Minus a song or two, and this album would be get 5 complete stars from me. This album should propell J. Moss to the top of the charts. He doesn't leave much to be wanted on the album. My personal favorites are Livin 4', I Wanna Be, Unto Thee & Me Again.
Below is an album listing, along with MY brief opinion descripion of each.
This intro is perhaps 7 seconds long and you can barely hear the "J Moss" in the background. The album would've done just fine without this.
This song is one of the 4 tracks displayed over at NuthinButGospel.com, and is THE biggest reason that I so anticipated this project. The song is full of energy, and there wasn't a moment in the joint where I wasn't clapping or swaying.
The righteous won't be forsaken/ Just hold to your faith/ And His word will be manifested/ Be steadfast and don't fear/ Don't pray & worry
I'm not feeling this song. It has a Cinderella/Disney type feel to it. The chorus is aight, but the verses make feel as if I'm listening to a cartoon soundtrack. The song goes from Disney to late-night church service adding to my dislike for the song. The J. Moss Project would be perfect minus this song.
Another song that I heard over at Nuthin But Gospel. I like this song alot. I don't have words to describe it, but it's one of those songs that you keep on replay for a minute.
Is it because You love us so much. You do it/ Is it because You are the Savior. You do it/ Is it because You come that we might live. You do it/ But as for me, I'm glad that You do. You do it
This joint has like a old school r&b feel to it. I feel like doing the bankhead bounce & the cabbage patch at the same time when hearing this. It's another energetic song. Towards the end when sings, "Ayyy yoo. It's a spiritual crowd and we get crunk"...he begins to sound like R. Kelly. If this was done by any other artist, I would've skipped the song. J. Moss, however, make it sound tight. Hey...I liked it.
You made my toes bring my balance to the floor/ You made my feet walk right over to your door/ You had my ankles tangled and puzzled/ You had my knees to the point they buckled (whatcha doin' to me)/ In the light of day I'd stumble over your way/ Couldn't wait for the night time, the high time, the right time/ Being as it was, we had to close the door/ It was like turning away from a millions bucks/ But I can't see you no more
This song is just deep. It's my third favorite song on the album. In Living 4', J laments about having to leave a relationship to walk in God's will. I can relate to this song. That's probably why I love it so much. J exclaims, "I give my life not unto tempation nor condemnation. For my salvation is more important to me." Someone will listen to this and be moved.
This song, hands down, is my favorite song on the album. It's a passionate worship song. Unto Thee is a very moving ballad. This is what those of us reered through Campus Crusade would call a "JAM Time" song. JAM stands for Jesus and Me. JAM (or quiet time) is when one finds a quiet spot to get personal with G-O-D. Unto Thee is a perfect song selection for some who choose to listen to music during their peronal time with God.
Don't Let reminds me of an old school Fred Hammond & Radical for Christ song. In the middle of the song, he actually begins to sound like Fred Hammond as he begins to speak. I love Fred Hammond. However, it took me a while to like this song. It's grown on me though.
Through hatred and anger/ Through struggles and stumbles/ You have made me strong/ The more I think/ The more I think, I thank You
Another moving song. I like this alot too. The more I think about the things that I've overcome...hmmm. Sweet.
I don't like this song at all. J uses the same beat that he used to produce Trin-i-tee 5:7's "Holla". Psalm 150 also sounds like "Can't Nobody Tell It" by Lamar Campbell, which Moss produced as well. The lyrics to Psalm 150 are decent, but the track is weak. I skip this song whenever I listen to this CD. In my opinion, this album would've been perfect if not for tracks 3 & 10.
I wanna give you more/ I wanna share my life with you/ More than money can pay for/ Allow me to give you more
Give You More is one of the best songs on the entire album. The song is about wanting to give one's all to God. It's a great song.
Forgive me Oh Lord, It's me again/ Forgive me Oh Lord, It's me again/ I've disobeyed Your Word/ I've slipped out of Your Will/ Regretful I stand/ It's me again
Me Again is my second favorite song on the album. I giggle when I hear the intro to this song. It's not that J Moss says anything funny, buy he sounds like Lenny Williams (Think Because I Love You) when he speaks. Disregarding the Lenny Williams comparison, this is a GREAT song. Me Again is another moving song on the album. I can certainly relate to having to ask God for help & forgiveness on more than one occassion.
Work Your Faith is the bonus track on this album. I like it. I've heard it somewhere before, but I can't think of where I may have heard it.
Album Rating
Overall, I give this album 4 stars. There are some weak moments, but those moments are overpowered by the great vocals & song arrangements of albums majority. It's worth the price that one might pay for it that's for certain. So, I say, go to the record store and pick it up.
Posted by Timi at 3:58 PM
October 8, 2004
Grandma's Funeral
My grandmother's funeral went on as planned on Wednesday, but even that was without anguish. On Tuesday night, a family dispute over funeral plans almost made the funeral null & voide. That's drama that I won't even address at the moment. However, I will address how triflin my brothers are. In an earlier post, I said that I'd be riding solo to the funeral. That would've brought me much peace. I didn't do that though. I let my oldest brother talk me into riding in the car with him & my other brothers. I should've stuck to my first instincts.
We left Delaware at about 7am or so. I tell my brother that I know the way to Bowie IF he takes 95 South. He informs me that 95 South is going to be jammed, so we'll be taking RT. 301 instead. He said it was quicker. I told him that I don't know anything about 301 & that if we went that route, I'd be out of the loop. He told me that 301 lead right into where we need to go. About an hour into our trip down 301, my brother stops on MD Intersection 301. My little brother says, "Why did you stop here?" My brother informs us that we are picking up Deek (his frat brother). Deek wasn't at 301, so we rode down to 302. He wasn't at 302, so we rode down to 303. We waited for another 20 minutes, finally he showed up 303. He parked his car and got into our car.
He & my brother proceeded to talk about country living. Then, these two decided that they would me a history lesson on Route 301. My brother was telling me that before 95 South came to be, 301 was the ONLY highway that lead down South in our area. I'm looking at him really ticked off because at this point it's 8:30, I'm hungry & I'm like, "You are 29. When did you become so dang on informed?" I wanted to know the REAL reason that Deek came along. My brother said it was for moral support, but my grandmother was of no relation to my oldest brother. So, there was really no emotional attachment there. He only went along to support myself and my other brothers.
So, I wasn't buying the "Deek is coming along for moral support" story. I think they had something else up their sleeves. Deek mentioned AKAs in DC a few times. I never said a word though. I continued to allow my brother & his frat to converse among one another. They talked like girls the whole way. We got across the Bay Bridge, I told my brother that we would be taking Exit 11 into Bowie, MD. He is too engulfed in his conversation to hear me because he drove right passed the exit. I said, "You missed the exit." He said, "No I didn't. I'm heading into Landover. Deek said this is the way." I was pissed. I responded by saying, "Why are you listening to him? We are meeting my aunts in Bowie, THEN we're heading to the funeral home."
My brother goes on to play down the seriousness of him missing the exit. He says, "Oh, we'll just get on the beltway and head back to 95 North. No Biggie." Yes it was a biggie. When we approached Exit 11 to Bowie heading down 301, it was 8:45am. My grandmother's viewing was from 9-11 and the funeral was to be 11-1. Well we didn't get to the funeral until 11:20. Why? Because we got lost on the beltway. What is up with men not following directions? I was so upset that I wanted to cry. My brother started to raise him voice at me when I told him that I didn't know where we were because I was lost. He said, "You told me that you knew the way." I said, "I told you that I knew the way IF you went 95 South. You went an entirely different way & everything is foreign to me." We drive around and around until we ended up at BWI Airport.
I told my brother that if we headed North of BWI, then I'd be able to find Bowie from their. We headed North, and once again, we saw an Exit for Bowie. HE MISSED THE EXIT AGAIN!! I was really upset. I felt tears forming in my eyes, but I didn't let them see me crying. My brother decided to be a stunt devil and back up on the highway to make the turn. I was afraid that we'd get into an accident. He made the exit & we headed down Bowie Laurel Hwy. I told my brother to make a right onto Race Track Rd. He made a left. Then he busted a U-Turn on Racetrack Rd. and headed the other way.
We arrived at my aunt's house, but everyone had left for the funeral & we didn't know how to get there. As we waited in the car for someone to escort us, my brother makes an attempt to pacify. He starts apologizing to me. He said, "Just say it." I said, "Say what?" He said, "Go on and say 'I Told You So.' Get it over with." I looked at him with contempt in my eyes. I responded by saying, "I will not give you the satisfaction of saying that. I'm going to let you sit there and stew in your own guilt for the rest of the trip." I drove to the funeral home in Landover. We missed the viewing & a big chunk of the funeral. I actually did cry when I entered the funeral home. I took my seat next to a cousin, I laid my head on his shoulder and started to cry. I didn't cry because I was sad, I cried because I was angry.
In fact, I believe that I was actually desensitized to the funeral. It didn't move me at all. It was as if someone had placed a casket at the alter of a church service. It didn't settle into my brain that my grandmother was lying in the casket. Perhaps, because I didn't get to view her body & the casket was closed by the time we arrived. My grandfather took it really hard. He had to taken home because he got sick. Watching him made me sad, but that was about it. The funeral procession to the cemetary took forever. I thought we burying her in Georgia somewhere. We arrived at the cemetary, and everyone took their seats. The preacher said a few words, another preacher prayed & then the words, "I commit this body to the ground. Ashes to Ashes & Dust to Dust." When those words were said, I knew that my grandmother was gone.
We headed back to my grandfather's house. It was PACKED with people. I exchanged numbers with some cousins, and then we headed out. My brothers & I went to The Golden Coral in Landover, MD just down the road from FedEx Field (Redskins Stadium for the football inept). I paid for everyone except Cole (my brother) & Deek. I refused to speak to either one of them. My brother was talking to me while we sat down to eat, but I ignored him. Deek attempted to talk to me, but I gave him the "Negro you better get out of my face" look and shut up. My brother asked me how I was holding up. I finally gave in and said, "I'm doing fine."
Those were the only words I spoke to him for the rest of that trip. He kept apologizing and telling me that he hates it when I ignore him, but I wasn't trying to hear that. He made me late for my grandmother's funeral. I don't appreciate that. We dropped Deek back off at 303. Before he got out of the car, he gave me his number. I smiled at him, ripped the number up in his face & handed it back to him. He said, "Damn that's cold." I said, "Isn't it?" I was kind proud of myself after that. I sat in the backseat & I went to sleep.
Later in the evening, after I'd settled in at home, my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number, but I answered anyway. "Hello may I speak to T.", the voice on the other end blared. I said, "This is she." The man on the other end said, "This is Deek, you're brothers frat. I just wanted to apologize again. We should've taken your feeling into consideration." I listened. I told him that I forgave him. He asked me out for lunch. I politely declined. He said, "You are so mean." I said, "I can be." I hung up the phone. Dang!...I am proud of myself. LOL.
Posted by Timi at 1:54 PM
October 5, 2004
Don't Ask. Don't Tell
Have you ever regretted telling someone something? I'm sure you have. I allowed someone to read some very private about me. This person will not let it go. He keeps asking me about the situation. He even made reference to it in a prayer email list-serve and THAT BOTHERED ME. He didn't use my name, nor did he describe the situation in detail, but the fact that he mentioned it upset me. I've allowed 7 people to read what I wrote. Six of those people I trust to keep what I wrote secret. That seventh person has proven to be a thorn in my side.
I emailed homeboy to tell him that I let him read my story in secret. It wasn't intended for public consumption, which is why it's on my private blog and not the public one. I wrote my story for personal "release". It was something that needed to be said, and I felt a burden lifted after it was said. I'd hoped that none of my readers would repeat it elsewhere, but I guess that would be asking for too much.
I supposed that I share a portion of the blame for this. I should've been more selective about who I allow to read that blog. His excuse for sharing my story is that he wanted people to pray for me. I have no problem with prayer. I can use all the prayer that I can get, but his reasoning isn't sitting too well with me. Even though he never shared my name, I just feel vulnerable. I don't like feeling vulnerable. Vulnerability is weakness to me. Although I don't know anyone of the list-serve personally, I still feel that anyone would read the prayer request and assume it was me. I know that's silly, but that's how I think sometimes.
The seventh person has made me question the other six with access to my site. Now I'm unwilling to allow anyone else access to my writing. I can't really describe how I feel right now. I just feel like I've been put "out there". I almost feel as if I have to justify myself in public, and there is absolutely no reason to. Perhaps I should've adhered to a don't ask, don't tell type policy wheras if one doesn't ask about my life, then I shouldn't feel obliged to volunteer information.
My friend, E, believes that I am obsessing too much over. She believes that the guy did what he did with good intentions. I've never, not even for one second, believed that he placed my "story" on the list-serve with malicious intent. I just hold to the notion that if I wanted 100 other people to know my business, then I would've posted it myself. Yea...I know it's for prayer, but what I wrote was very personal. It should not have been devulged.
I don't know. Maybe I am obsessing too much. Perhaps my story belongs on that prayer list. Maybe someone will read it and relate to it. Maybe it will help someone dealing with similar issues. And maybe...just maybe someone will read it & pray for the person in the "story". And maybe, I may actually find peace in this situation.
Posted by Timi at 12:02 AM
October 3, 2004
Family Business Pt. 2
I agreed to pick my aunt up in Baltimore. While driving from Bowie to Baltimore, my brother & I argued the entire way. My aunt & my cousin were laughing at us. My aunt said that my bro & I reminded her of my father & his oldest sister.
It seemed like my brother had to use the bathroom every 2 miles. It was ticking me off. He called me stupid. I called him obnoxious and inconsiderate. My aunt told us both to hush. I kept quiet. My brother continued to run his mouth. He told me that I drive like an old woman, and he were driving we'd be in Baltimore by now. I ignored him.
We picked my Aunt Camille up in Baltimore. I'd never met her before, so she & I were formally introduced. We were in the Baltimore, so I suggested that we go to the Harbor. We went to the Inner Harbor, and walked around for a little bit. I decided that I'd treat everyone to lunch. My cousin Toni kept saying that she wanted Cheesecake, so I assumed that we were going to eat at the Cheesecake Factory. My aunt Tish said that she wanted seafood, and everyone jumped on the seafood bandwagon. We couldn't figure out what seafood restaurant to hit up. I was looking at the City Lights restaurant when my brother says, "Let's go to Phillips." My aunts are like "Yea! Let's go to Phillips." I wanted to hit my brother so hard. Phillips is VERY expensive, and I wasn't trying to spend money like that.
I obliged anyhow because I did offer to treat everyone (EXCEPT MY BROTHER) to lunch. We went into the Phillips restaurant. My aunt tells the hostess that we want to sit outside. When were outide, we saw a bunch of bees, so I asked to be seated inside. As we took our seats inside, we saw this other family arrive. This family looked like the Klumps. One of the daughters was really large. She attemped to sit in one of the seats, but she couldn't fit in the seat entirely. The waitress offered to get her another chair. She refused saying that she was ok. Her mother told her to get another chair. She again refused. The girl was sitting on the side of my brother. The waitress once again asked if she'd like a new seat. She refused. My brother's ignorant behind says, "Yea give her a new chair because I aint trying to pick her big a** up if she falls."
He was very loud. I was so embarassed. I turned the girl's father, who gave my brother a death stare, and said, "I am so sorry for his rudeness. He has tourette's syndrome. Please forgive him." My aunt kicked my brother in his knee. The girl looked so embarassed. I thought she was going to cry. I couldn't believe the ignorance that my brother displayed.
I began to look over the menu. There was nothing (excluding the appetizers & drinks) on that menu that was under $18. As I read the menu, I became more & more angry with my brother. My aunt, my cousin & my brother ordered what they wanted. I ordered my food as well. My aunts utterly embarassed. All I have to say is YOU CAN TAKE A NEGRO OUT OF THE COUNTRY, BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE THE COUNTRY OUT OF THE NEGRO. There were pigeons walking around the outside of the restaurant. Some of pigeons were walking near our table because we were close the outside. My aunt was like, "UH UH!! YA'LL NEED TO GET THESE BIRDS." She was so loud. She & my cousin were having a conversation with each other that everyone in the restaurant probably heard. I was embarassed, and they knew it. My aunt Cam said, "I know Im embarassing you girl, but I'm country. This how we do." I wanted to get up and walk out of the restaurant.
When the food arrived, it was even worse. My aunt Cam & my cousin Toni ordered this Crab Pot for two. It had a bunch of crabs, shrimp, potatoes & crab cakes. They made such a mess eating. I kept begging my aunt to use the utensils that were given for the crabs. She said, "Girl we eat crabs with our hands. Keep hanging with us and you'll be country just like us." My brother looked at me with embarassment in his eyes as if to say, "Let's leave her." Someone called me on my cellphone from a blocked number. I usually ignored blocked numbers, but I answered this call. Unfortunately, I lost my signal, so I have no idea who called me. I would've talked to the person in order to get away from my aunts at that moment.
My food was great. I had some kind of Norfolk Skillet. It has shrimp, scallops & crab imperial. It was good. I finished before everyone else because I didn't have a big meal. When I finished, I watched in disgust as they devoured the crabs and made a complete mess. Finally, they finished & I asked our waitress for the check. When I saw the check, I wanted to cry. My brother asked to see it, but I told him that unless he intended to pay for it all he didn't need to see it. The bill, including the tip, came to about $150. I paid the bill with my MasterCard, so that I wouldn't have to dip into my bank account.
After going to the top of the World Trade Center of Baltimore, we decided to head back to Bowie. My brother was kind enough to pay the $15 for parking. As I was driving down Pratt St. headed back onto 95, I got into it with a Red Sox fan. He was upset that I let another car in front of me & when he tried to go around me, I sped up so he couldn't pass. If he had tried to pass, not only would he had hit me, but he would've hit some other cars. When we reached a stop light, he pulled alongside of me & began to yell. So I told him that he was wrong, and his impatience would've gotten alot of people hurt. He told me to go to hell. I told him that Jesus saves.
We made it back to Bowie. The only reason my brother didn't give me a hassle during the ride back was because he was sleepy & full. We dropped my aunt & my cousin off at my grandmother's home. My brother, KD, was there waiting. We decided to head back to Delaware. I forced my little brother to ride in the car with KD because I refused to allow him to get on my nerves. I rode back to Delaware alone in peace.
I like driving alone. I like driving in peace. KD is a lifesaver. I have to make the trek to Bowie again on Wednesday for my grandmother's funeral. Next time, I'm riding solo.
Posted by Timi at 9:49 PM
Family Business Pt. 1
I enjoy road trips, but I only enjoy them when I'm alone or with my friends. Family road trips have never been very thrilling to me. I'll give you one reason...BROTHERS! My brothers used to make family travel particularly horrible for me. They just pick with me over and over again until I started to cry or began to yell. Yesterday, we had one of those "family" road trips to Bowie, MD and my little brother ticked me off so much.
Our road trip began at about 9am. He tells me that he's going to drive. Yes he TELLS me that he's going to drive. He tells me that I drive too slow, and he's get us to Bowie quickly. I said ok. Everything was going ok, until we hit the road. He says, "I'm going to take 40 to 301." I was puzzled as to why he would want to go out of the way to get to Bowie, MD if in fact he was trying to arrive at our destination quickly. I objected and told him to take I-95 South towards Baltimore. He argued with me for 15 minutes before heading South on 95.
He demanded that I pay all of the tolls. The night before, he agreed to cover the tolls. I didn't argue, I just paid the tolls with the money that I owed him. I owed him $15, so I used every bit of that $15 to pay the tolls. He didn't like that too much, but oh well. So we're in the car riding along. He turns the radio up to an obnoxious volume. I turned the volume down & put a CD inside of the CD player. He took my CD out and put in his Twista CD. I removed the Twista CD and put my Stevie Wonder CD back into the CD Player. He attempted to change the CD once more, but I threatened to punch him in his eye if he tried.
Everything was cool for awhile until we saw signs for Baltimore. I said, "You are going to take the Fort McHenry Tunnel to Bowie instead of the Harbor Tunnel." He begins to argue with me saying that we shouldn't take either because we have to take the 695 Beltway to Towson. I tell him that if we take the Beltway, we'll be way off track. He wouldn't listen to me. I called my aunt in Bowie, and told her to explain where to go so that this little idiot would listen. She tells him, as I had been telling him, to take the Fort McHenry Tunnel. So we get inside of the tunnel and this fool starts switching lanes. I begin to argue with him about how illegal that is. He ignored me.
We heading down the 95 South split to Bowie. I tell him that we are looking for the exit 6 or 7. I couldn't remember the exit number, but I knew that the exit was for Bowie/Lodenton. As we near the exit, I tell my brother to get into the far right lane, so that he wouldn't miss the exit. This idiot stays in the left lane, and we missed the exit. I was very angry at that moment. He starts telling me to chill out because he knows where he is going. Needless to say that he didn't know where he was going. We ended up in Timonium, MD, and we had to stop at a gas station to get directions back onto the highway. We were almost an hour too far away from my grandmother's house in Bowie.
We finally make it into Bowie. I wanted to take the shortcut to my grandmother's house. I told my brother to take RACETRACK RD all the way their. He wants to take the Laurel Bowie Hwy. I tell him that by taking Racetrack Rd., we'll eliminate all of the stop lights. He listened. While on Racetrack Rd., I told my brother that just beyond a hill was Bowie State University. He says that he wants to drive to Bowie State to see a friend. I objected, and we made it to our destination.
Some of my family was standing outside when we arrived. Upon parking and getting out of the car, my brother started up with me again. This time it was over the keys to the car. He wanted to drive to Bowie State, but I wouldn't allow him. He called me a bitch. He upset me off so much that I punched him. One of my aunts yelled at me for my actions and I immediately was offended. She's not my mother, I'm not a child. Plus, she hadn't heard how he was talking to me. I told her that if she didn't know the story, then she had no place to tell me that I was wrong. My aunt is only 28, so that makes her 3 years older than me & she's very bossy. I learned this during a previous trip to Bowie. She & I instantly had personality clashes.
My uncle Chunky (No...that's not a nickname) squashed the drama between my aunt & I. My grandfather made my brother apologize for the way he treated me. I felt utterly embarassed that this was the first impression that many in my family would have of my father's children. Now that all the drama was settled, I went mingled amongst family members introducing myself. My brother found his way to the food as he always does. My grandfather pulled my brother & aside and told us that he had someone for us to meet.
My grandfather introduced us to one of our cousins. He told us that this cousin was my dad's aunt's son...making the man & my father FIRST COUSINS. Upon being introduced my me, my cousin says, "She looks just like her mother. I see why your mother kept you out of Maryland." I gave him my "Huh?" look. My grandfather gave him a "What the hell?" look. My little brother introduced himself to my cousin. My cousin looked at my brother and said, "You the football player in the family I see." Then he turned back to me and said, "Can I move to Delaware with ya'll?" with a disgusting grin on his face. The look on my face said it all. My brother responded to him by said, "That's your family dog. I don't know you, I'll knock you out." My cousin laughed claiming that he was only joking. I know he wasn't jokin.
For the duration of my time their, this man (my cousin) followed me around talking to me. He totally grossed me out. I told my uncle Chunky that the guy wouldn't leave me alone. My uncle grabbed him by his collar and told him that if he didn't leave me alone he was going to kick his butt. My cousin stayed away from me from then on. I was glad because he made me feel really uncomfortable.
While I was in Bowie, my aunt called saying that her car broke down and she was stranded in Baltimore. I offered to go get her because I wanted to get out of Bowie fast. One of my aunts, a cousin and my brother wanted to come along for the ride. My brother wanted to leave as well. As soon as I hit the highway, my brother started a fight with me.
And that's when more drama ensued...
Posted by Timi at 7:30 PM