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March 31, 2005
Swinging Is For The Playground
I learn something new each time I watch Oprah. Today I was enlightened while watching her show. I learned about "Swingers". My definition of a "swinger" was all out of wack. I was thoroughly shocked as I watched the show. Man, was out of way out of loop.
My definition of a swinger was one who likes to dance. I thought swinging and stepping were the same thing. I thought that both were the definition of dancing. I told a co-worker that I wanted to learn how to swing. He looked at me like, "Huh?" I had no idea that the definition of "swinging" was couples who exchange partners. George further enlightened me with a definition of "swinging":
1. Slang Spirited; up-to-date.
2. Attracting a lively, trendy crowd: a swinging nightclub.
3a. Sexually promiscuous. b. Practicing exchange of partners, especially spouses, for sex.
People actually do that? That's crazy! This one chick on Oprah said that "swinging" helps her marriage by keeping it "fresh". Say what? Whatever happened to the sanctity of marriage? If you need to add a third or 4th person into the mix of your marriage, then you have SERIOUS ISSUES. What is the world coming to?
I saw on one site where a couple who call themselves swingers also claimed to be Christians. They didn't think there was anything wrong with that. HELLO!! There IS something wrong with that. Yea I know the bible says that the marriage bed is undefiled, but swinging classifies as adultery my friends. This kind of stuff brings up all kinds of issues in a marriage. I don't think I'd ever trust my husband again if he asked me to do something like that. Insanity I tell ya...just plain INSANE!
Now I know why my co-worker looked at me like I have 3 heads. I don't want to learn how to swing anymore. lol. I do, however, still want to learn how to step. Anybody want to teach me?
Posted by Timi at 9:26 PM | Comments (6)
March 29, 2005
Is It?
This past weekend, we had a roundtable discussion for some teens at the church. The roundtable afforded the teens the opportunity to ask some of the older adults in the church questions about life, religion and so on. It went surprisingly well. There were no complaining parents this time, so that's always a good sign.
I like these kind of discussions because it allows me to be as open as I want to with some of the questions asked. I'm also a bit apprehensive sometimes because I don't want to give some kid the wrong info. The the kids seem to think I'm the most experienced out of the bunch, so they ask me the more "adult" questions.
There were 5 of us on the roundtable panel. It was myself & 4 others my age or slightly older. There were 3 women & 2 men. We each took turns answering the kids questions. There was an abundance of questions. The kids certainly weren't shy about their curiousity. At times, I wish they had been. That would've saved me some rather awkward moments.
One young lady asked, "What's wrong with pre-marital sex?" One of the sistas their broke it down for her, so I didn't have to touch that question at all. One of the other kids wanted to elaborate on the question. He asked, "If you're engaged to be married to a woman. Why can't you have sex if you know that she's going to be your wife?" A brotha on the panel handled that question. I wasn't even trying to touch that one. That would've required me to explain technicalities that I really didn't want to delve in to.
Towards the end of the roundtable we gave the kids to single us out in their questioning. Each one could pick which one of the panel members that they wanted to answer their question. The kids were just asking away.
One guy on the panel was asked, "Do I have to go to church to be a Christian?"
A married sista was asked, "How did you know that your mate was 'The One'"
Another guy on the panel was asked, "How do you as a man in this world continue living for God without interruptions?"
One sis was asked, "Why does the bible say that a woman is supposed to submit to a man?"
I didn't get asked questions like that. The most curious out of the bunch asked me their most curious questions. The first question I got asked was, "How far is TOO far?" I tried to pretend as if I didn't know what the girl asking me. I said, "What do you mean?" She gave me this sly smile and said, "YOU know what I mean."
DANG GINA! I didn't know where to begin. I started off jokingly saying, "If you have to ask me that question, then you've already gone TOO far." I gave her some scriptures. I told her that our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit. I gave her my experience in going "too" far with men. I was VERY open with these kids. I shocked myself. I told them things that I've only shared with my bestfriend. It felt great to be able to be so honest, and to have someone respect that honesty. That question allowed everyone to be open & honest. I think the kids have a better understanding of what "too far" might be.
I thought that was the end of the awkward questions. Our moderator gave one kid the chance to ask the last question. Who did the kid choose to ask it to? Yes. Me. I had no idea of what this guy was going to ask me. I was not even prepared for the bomb he dropped on me. It took a good minute for me to wrap my mind around what he asked. The other folks on the panel stared at me like, "Oh snap!"
He asked, "Is masturbation a sin?" A moment after he asked the question, I said, "Man! Why can't I get the 'do I have to be baptized to go to heaven' kind of questions?" I sat there for a moment thinking of how to answer this question. I got nervous. I started rubbing my hands together. I began to brush my hands over my forehead. I grabbed the back of my neck. I began to comb my hair with my fingers...you know normal things one does when he's in an awkward situation.
Everyone was staring at me eagerly awaiting an answer. Finally, I said, "There is nothing in the bible that would lead me to believe that masturbation is a sin." It was so silent in the room, that I swear you could've heard a pin drop. I went to say, "The bible explains that we should abstain from sexual immorality, but I don't think that masturbation, in essence, is immoral. The thoughts that masturbation requires to thrive, however, are immoral." One of the guys on the panel asked me to elaborate further.
At that point, there was no retraction of statements allowed. I couldn't pretend as if the question hadn't been asked. I had to be honest, and I had to real. I said, "The bible explains to us in Genesis 8 that, 'A man's imagination is wicked from his youth', so it makes sense that pleasuring one's self harvests on that which is thought up. Masturbation requires us to think outside of our 'normal' realm. 99% of the time it forces our minds to travel into the world of fantasy in order for us to get "their". Mentally one has to think up a sexual fantasy to become physically aroused. And that's what gets us into trouble." I went on to explain to explain how those thoughts & fantasies can cause us to sin against God, thereby making the act of masturbation not such a wise thing to try.
Philippians 4:8: Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
God knows it's addicting. My mother used to say, "Once you've been to the mountain top honey, you won't want to come down." My momma aint never lied. If you "try" it once, you're guaranteed to "try" it again just to relive the feeling that you felt the first time. What seems like a moment of pleasure can bring us a world of anxiety. I know...because I've been there. I know that, daily, it's a task to beat our flesh into submission. No pun intended. It can be quite difficult to focus the mind on that which is Holy when all we see on a daily basis is that which is unholy.
As I was in the midst of explaining more, the same kid who asked the initial question asks, "So, if its not a sin can it be done without impure thoughts since its the thought that makes the act bad?" I'm thinking to self, "Self. Do I give him an honest answer or do I give him a 'church' answer." I said, "Yes it can be done without the impure thoughts, but it's darn near impossible to do so. Once again, it requires that mental interaction to get your blood flowing. If you want to keep your mind on Christ, then that's not the way to go. I'd suggest that you not do it."
After it was all over, one of the parents present for the discussion thanked me for being so honest & open. I started to cry. I told her that I didn't know if I should've been so honest with these kids. I said, "That boy is going to go home & try to do it without thinking about a girl and it's going to be my fault." The parent told me to stop it. She said that she applauded what I had done. Many folks in church are too tight-lipped about these kind of topics and they need to be talked about.
I began to think that she was right. I shouldn't be sorry for what I said. I could've lied. I could've told those kids something that wasn't even in the bible. I could've simply done what many christians do when they don't want you to do something...I could've made up a tale to scare them. I could've said, "Yes it's a sin and if you do it, you're going to hell." I'm glad that I didn't say any of those things though.
Too many times, we as questions bend or twist the truth to knock other into "submission" (if you will). We give people a bunch of legalism & doctrinal crap that can't even be found anywhere in scripture. For instance, the issue of alcohol. I grew up believing that drinking was a sin. I was told that Christians aren't supposed to drink alcohol. It wasn't until I got into college that I realized that wasn't so. The sin is not in drinking. The sin is in being drunk. So in essence, a drinker is not a sinner, however, a drunkard is. I don't drink (haven't had a sip of alcohol in almost 5 years), so I'm not condoning the consumption of alcohol...Im just making a point. I must emphasize that we should do things in moderation. Plus, if you know that drinking is going to bother a weaker brother, then you shouldn't do it because it could cause him to stumble.
So overall, after all of my tears have fallen, I think the roundtable went well. I look forward to more enlightening events such as these.
Posted by Timi at 10:28 AM | Comments (3)
March 27, 2005
Happy Easter
He Is Risen!
[Edit: 3/27/05 11:34pm] The little kids at my church presented me with an Easter basket filled with cool stuff. I was feeling a little down this morning, but that really picked me up. Kids are so cute.
Some of the teens at church cracked me up at the roundtable that we had yesterday. The church hosted a little roundtable discussion for the teens. It was done in hopes that they would ask insightful questions to some of the young adults about christianity & life. Some of the questions these kids were asking were DEEP. I will write a more in-depth post about roundtable & some of the questions asked later.
Posted by Timi at 12:05 AM | Comments (0)
March 26, 2005
Sixers Game
Last night, I attended a Philadelphia 76ers game. I'm not really into basketball, but I kinda enjoyed the game. There were moments when I was utterly bored, but the end of the game brought lots of excitement. Staring at Chris Webber for like 40 minutes was an added bonus. There was this one instance in which Iverson crossed-up this guy on Toronto's team. Man, that was so sweet. Even I cheered after that.
I attended the game with some co-workers. During the game, one co-worker treated me as if I was totally ignorant of the game. I resented that. I know alot about basketball...I just don't like it. He was explaining fouls & jump shots to me. I was like, "I'm not stupid!" During one point in the game, a Toronto Raptors player turned the ball over and I yelled, "FUMBLE!" Everyone looked at me like I was retarded, but I got a kick out of it. My co-worker, Rick, was embarassed. That made the outburst even more worthwhile.
After the game, some of the guys decided to hang out in Philly. I was tired, so I wanted to go home. Rick & I headed back to Wilmington. During the drive back, Rick asked me my thoughts on the game. I don't remember what I told him because within minutes, I was knocked out. When I woke up, we were back in Wilmington.
I will probably never attend another NBA game in my life, but I'll admit that I had a good time. It helped that the Sixers won. If they would've lost, I would've sworn off basketball forever.
Posted by Timi at 2:04 PM | Comments (1)
March 23, 2005
Spousal Abuse
Right now I'm watching Oprah. Robin Givens is on as a guest talking about her "healing" from the relationship she had with Mike Tyson. I haven't been paying attention to the entire show, but I have caught most of it. Robin had some interesting things to say about Mike and their relationship.
First off, let me say that I believe Robin. I always have & I always will. Why? Because she's never been proven to be a liar. Tyson has and Tyson is crazy as hell.
Now that I've said that, this post is not to condemn Robin nor Michael. In fact, I don't really have anything negative to say about either two. I just want to address some things that Robin said.
Claim #1: Robin stayed with Mike after he beat her because she believed that she was in love.
I've heard this so many times from so many women. Maybe love is truly the reason some of these women stay. I recall when I was younger and I watched my father hit my mother. My aunt used to ask her why she stayed with him, and my mother would say because she loved him. She would also say that he loved us (my brothers & I), and he needed our love to change him. My mother didn't believe that father would always be a violent monster (he changed later in life after my mother left), so I guess I understand where some of this women are coming from. I understand that some of these women believe that they can change these men. I heard Robin say, "I wanted to love his hurt & his pain away." I'm sorry Robin, we as humans aren't capable of that kind of love. That kind of love requires power that isn't given from a mortal soul.
In spite of the abuse my mother took from my father, she always told me to NEVER put up with a man like my father. Which brings me to my next point. LOVE ISN'T WORTH ALL THE PAIN. I can't imagine being with a man who constantly beats me at will. At what point do you say, "I've had enough. His ass is crazy & I need to leave to save my life." In high school, I dated a guy who hit me. That one time he hit me was the last time he put his hands on me. Love doesn't hurt.
1 Corinthians 13
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not selfseeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Claim #2: Mike beat Robin until she vomitted
This puzzles me to no end. At this point, warning flags 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 & 10 would've all raised at once. That's not love. Hell...that's not even caring. He obviously isn't concerned for your health or well being. So, why stay?
Claim #3: Robin's father was never around. Her mother never talked about him. Because of her mother's unwillingness to talk about her father, Robin, in essence, ended up marrying her "father". A violent, unhappy man.
To me, this is deep. I grew with my father in my home, but I can relate to what Robin said. I was never close to my father. I knew he loved me, but he had a crazy way of showing it. I saw my father as the blueprint for the man that I AM NOT supposed to get involved with. He had the traits, no father in the home, cheater, insecure, very unhappy & he didn't know how to communicate with anyone.
I feared (and to some extent still fear) that I'll marry a man like my dad. I feared that I'd be like my mother and excuse his poor behavior. It is because of this fear (and a few others), that I have a hard time trusting men. I know that God will not send me a mess of a man, but that thought is always in the back of my head. Will he "flip the script"? Will he change later in life? Will he take out his pain on me? I know I wouldn't be able to deal with that. That's just too much.
Posted by Timi at 4:49 PM | Comments (1)
March 20, 2005
Talking Animals & A Clean House
Last night, I had two very prolific dreams. The dreams were strange in essence, but they were chock full of spiritual meaning & enlightenment. What's even more interesting about the dreams is the second dream merely confirmed the message in the first one.
In the first dream, I had a conversation with talking dogs. The dogs were pets of my cousin Nicole. She brought them to my house. I began to play with the dogs. That's interesting because in real life I'm severely allergic to dogs. In the dream, the dogs didn't seem to phase me at all. I continued petting the animals until I had a sudden urge to go to the bathroom. As I was leaving the bathroom, an animal, which I assumed to be a cat, ran past me. I did a little "alley-oop" leap to avoid colliding with it. I thought the "cat" was something that my cousin brought over as well.
When the cat had cleared my way and I was out of the bathroom, one of the dogs says to me, "This is a beautiful home you have here." I said aloud, "WHAT THE!!!" I thought that I was losing my mind. Just when I began to think that I needed to sit down, the other dog begins to talk to me. It was speaking of how lovely my home is. The two dogs began commenting on the interior structure of the house. They began asking me questions about the house. I answered openly. After a while, the dogs almost appeared normal and I began talking to them as if they were real humans.
The little dog says to me, "Do you realize that you're talking to two dogs right now? Is this what your life has come to?" I realized that the dog had a point. I told him that knew I was talking to a dog. I told both dogs that they had to leave my house because they were beginning to freak me out. I advised them to take their cat friend as well. The bigger dog says, "It didn't come with us. That's not a cat. It's a rat." I really began tripping out.
The little dog said, "You have a beautiful house. The integrity of this home is unmatched. You have to keep it clean. Allowing the rat to stay & roam will compromise the structure of this foundation." So the dogs say they will help me to purge my home of this rat. This wasn't just any rat either. It looked like that hideous creature that tormented the characters on "Martin". The rat was frightening. It even scared the dogs. Whenever the rat ran towards us, we ran in the opposite direction screamings.
I should've been running towards the rat in hopes of killing it. The dream ended as I cornered that in my living room. I had a knife in my hand, but I don't know if I killed it because I woke up. I thought I was tripping. I got up, drank some water & then went back to bed. I had a second dream. It was short, but very meaningful.
In this dream, I was cleaning my house. I was cleaning my kitchen floor. I was mopping. There were these black marks on the floor. As I began to mop, all the marks were disappearing, but this one mark would not go away. I tried using several different cleansers to get rid of it, but the mark stayed to no avail. So, I called my grandmother to ask her how could I remove the stain.
She said, "Baby, that mop isnt going to do it. That stain requires extra work. You are going to have to ditch the easy solutions and get down on your knees to scrub it out. Sometimes you have to get dirty to see results."
I awakened after that. I instantly knew what the dreams meant. The dreams were so vivid with metaphorical meaning & imagery. It was deep. The second dream was a summary of the first. It was God's way of telling me that I need to do some serious "spiritual" cleansing in my life. The dogs were messengers of God sent to tell me to get my house in order. I need to remove the black spots and rats because these things cant dwell in the beautiful structure that represented my house. The house was an explicit metaphor for my body (a temple).
When I analyzed it all, I said, "Thank you Jesus for making it so plain to me." I know what it is that needs to be purged out of my life. It was take a whole 'nutha post to document that issue, but I began to think about 2 Corinthians 12:7-9 in which The Apostle Paul states that there is a thorn in his flesh.
To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.� Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Whew...that's ALOT to take in. I find it interesting that God didn't grant Paul's request. Instead, He gave Paul grace to bear it. So whenever Satan tried to tempt Paul, he (he meaning Paul) would be able to resist it.
Maybe that's what God is doing in my life. Perhaps he's hasn't removed my issue because He's already provided an outlet for me to bear it. Both dreams ended without the problem being solved entirely, but I knew what I needed to do to get rid of it or suppress it. Perhaps I should be more honest & open about weaknesses considering that it may be a help to others.
God is amazing. He used "Balaam's Ass" to give me some much need truth in my dream. That's deep.
Posted by Timi at 9:06 PM | Comments (1)
March 17, 2005
This Isn't Hip Hop!
Today, I heard the most vulgar song ever. I can honestly say that it offended me. It's some new song by the Ying Yang Twins. I heard it while visiting a friend. Her brother was blasting it on his stereo. When the song first came on, I heard the whispering. I was like "What kind of mess is this?". I turned to my friend and asked, "What is he whispering?" My friend informs me that if I knew the words that the guy was saying, then I'd be glad that I didn't understand the whispering.
I began listening to the words, and my mouth hit the floor. I couldn't believe what my ears were hearing.
wait til you see my d***. Ay b**** wait til you see my d***. imma beat that p**** up...
Is this the kind of crap masquerading as hip hop now? What is the industry coming to? I shouldn't be surprised that crap (YES I SAID CRAP) like this is allowed to be created, but this is a bit much. I understand that this has quickly become one of the top singles on local radio stations. That disgusts me. Kids are listening to this stuff. WAKE UP PEOPLE! God forbid if there's a video to this joint. I guess a somewhat "hot track" will sell any hideous song. Shameful!
Hip Hop is a farce right now. I'm yearning for the essence of real hip hop right now. Common's "Be" can't come soon enough...
Posted by Timi at 8:48 PM | Comments (6)
The Worst Non Date Ever
My cousin Kia just called to ask me if I wanted to out with her this evening. I quickly said no. She wanted to know why, and I explained why to her. I don't trust her anymore. She seems to think that she's cupid. She's always trying to hook me up with some guy, and I don't care too much for that. I always clash with the men she tries to deal me. You would think that she gets the point already.
This past Sunday, she asked me if I wanted to go to the movies w/ her & a friend. I said ok. I assumed that the friend would be a young woman named Jernell. I asked my cousin to pick me up at friend's apartment downtown. When my cousin arrived I saw her in the car with her friend. It wasn't Jernell. It was her boyfriend Cedric. I noticed a car double-parked behind Cedric's. I asked her the person was & Kia says, "That's Cedric's brother Joe." I immediately became upset with her. I knew she was going to try something. She does this to me all the time.
We went to Applebee's prior to going to the movies. My cousin & boyfriend sat on one side of a booth while they placed me with Joe on the other side. Joe grossed me out. He was wearing lousy cologne, and he had one of those "Suge Knight" beards. I don't like that at all. He kept itching towards me. Everytime our thighs bumped, I moved away. After a while, I was smashed against the wall. I asked him to move. My cousin gave me a look as if to say, "Be nice!"
After dinner, we went to see Hitch. My cousin & her boyfriend decided that it would be a good idea for Joe & I to have some alone time in the theater. She & Cedric sat in the another section of the theater. That REALLY pissed me off. During the entire movie he was talking, and he kept trying to put his arm around me. I asked him to stop because he was hurting my sore shoulder. Then, he began lying his head on my shoulder. I hit him. He didn't touch me again. I sent a text to Adam saying, "I'm at the movies with the most annoying guy ever." Adam responded back with, "You should start farting or something." That made me giggle a little bit.
He began to text message back & forth with another chick. I didn't care, but the light from his cell phone was annoying me & everyone else on our row. As the movie neared an end, he tried that "90%" kiss thingy that Hitch advised in the movie. Your boy almost got knocked out. After he did that, I got up and sat in another section alone. When the movie was finally over, my cousin takes it upon herself to ask Joe to take me home because she wants to go home with Cedric. THE AUDACITY OF THIS HEFFER!
While in the car with him, he started saying all kinds of stupid stuff to me. Whenever he opened his mouth, he brains fell out. I became uncharacteristically rude to him. He said, "Your cousin said that you were nice." I responded with, "I am. To people I like." He made this killer left turn that freaked me out because a car almost ran into us ON MY SIDE. After that, I figured that he was crazy as hell, so I kept my mouth shut. I decided that was best for me to do in order to get home safely.
After a moment of silence, this guy offends me in the worst way. He says, "I hear that your saving yourself for marriage?" I gave him the look from hell. I said, "What's it to you?" I wanted to get home quickly, so that I could my cousin and cuss her out. I was pre-preparing the words in my head. I was going to give her a swift tongue lashing. He says, "I dont believe that. So I have absolutely no chance at all?" I clenched my fist & my teeth. If he hadn't been driving, I would've straight two-pieced him in his face. I told him that those aren't things that he says to a lady he doesn't know.
I didn't say anything else to him for the remainder of the drive. He was making comments here & there, but I pretty much ignored him. When we arrived at my house, he asks if I would like him to walk me to my door. I told him that if he asks to ask me that, then the answer is no. What kind of mess? A gentleman doesn't ask...he just does it.
As I was exiting the car, he says, "This didn't go as planned huh?." I said, "I never knew the plan" and I walked off. I was SALTY. I called my cousin & left 6 messages on her phone. When she called me back, she got an earful. She didn't even apologize.
Now she wants me to hang out with her again. I THINK NOT!
Posted by Timi at 9:59 AM | Comments (3)
March 14, 2005
12 Favorites
I found a music meme via Honey's site (She got it from Todd). I decided to put myself through the daunting task of picking 12 of my favorite songs out of a vast music collection.
And it goes a little somethin' like this...
- An artist is only allowed one song on the list
- Post radio.blog (if you can)
- A sentence or two on why each song makes the list
It was pretty hard thinking about 12 songs that I'd call "my favorite". It took me a minute to think this up, but I finally got it together. The following 12 songs are 12 songs that I couldn't live without in my music collection. It's an interesting mix.
------------------
Runner Ups: Rod Stewart, Forever Young; Angie & Debbie Winans, Touched By the Light of Love; Commissioned, Running Back To You; Tracey Chapman, Fast Car; Patti LaBelle, If You Ask Me To
Posted by Timi at 10:36 PM | Comments (8)
March 11, 2005
Diary of Mad Movie Goer
Dear Diary,
This evening, I went to the movies with my bestfriend & her mother. We saw that Tyler Perry movie. Let me tell you Diary...This movie sucked majorly. I'm convinced that stage plays should not be turned into movies if they don't have supreme budgets (AND GOOD PRODUCTION!). Chicago, Les Miserables, Phantom of The Opera among others are the only exception.
Because the movie sucked so badly, I refuse to give an overview. I would, however, like to comment on how my people (of the negroidian persuation) cut up during the viewing of such movies. REGAL CINEMA IS NOT SHILOH BAPTIST OK! So I (along with many others of my kind) would just prefer if they just sat down, shut up & watched the movie. I don't need to hear the "Amens", the "I know thats right!", the "Get him girls!" or any other loud obnoxious thing that may be shouted out during the course of the viewing. Diary of A Mad Black Chick is over-exaggerated and unrealistic, so they need to stop with the cheering & the tears.
"I want to love you through your pain"...Negro Please!
What was up with the dude grabbing the gun in the court scene? Didn't that happen in real life just today? Could it be reality imitating art? I don't know...you tell me. Anyway. I'm off to sleep, so until next time, I'm out.
Sincerely,
Angry Black Movie Goer
P.S.- I need to call Tyler Perry and tell him to cool it with "The Color Purple" obsession.
Posted by Timi at 11:52 PM | Comments (3)
March 9, 2005
Ouch!
My posts are going be short & numbered for the next week or so. I had a little accident yesterday. I separated my left shoulder. How did I do that? I was speed walking and ran into the door (yea yea go ahead & laugh). Technically it wasn't speed walking...
I was in a hurry to get into work. I had my head turned talking to another co-worker as I was heading into the office. I made the cut to enter the door and BAM! it was all over. I hit the door pretty hard. It was hard enough to knock my shoulder off it's axis. , I had it shoved back in place. Unspeakable pain. I'm glad that it was left shoulder and not my right.
Thank God for pain medicine.
Posted by Timi at 1:01 PM
March 7, 2005
Ego Bruise
Sheer Humiliation...
That's the way I felt after talking with a young woman that works in my building. I see this woman on a daily basis when I'm either heading into work or on break. I speak to her whenever I see her, but I don't really have many dealings with her.
I don't feel comfortable being around her. She's openly gay, and she makes jokes about her lesbianism (I don't think thats a word, but its going to work for the moment). Sometimes she'll joke around with some of my co-workers & try to include me in the act. I don't like that very much. She knows that I'm a Christian, and she'll deliberately makes crude remarks towards me. That's not cool.
Whenever she see's me with one of my co-workers, she'll jokingly say [to my co-worker], "Hey sexy. When are you gonna come pay me a visit?" My co-worker busts out laughing because she knows its only a joke. Granted they are just jokes, but I don't have to like them. So that's why I don't fool with the chick very much. Plus, I always feel like she's gonna try to hit on me or something.
I had it planted in my mind that she wanted me & was out to get me caught up. I ain't down with that. Many times, I deliberately avoid her. If I see her coming my way, I'll turn & head in the opposite direction. OK OK...That's a bit childish, but SO WHAT!
This morning, as I headed into to work, I ran into her. DANG! I was in a real anti-social mood too. I wasn't trying to talk to anyone. I had tried to enter our building from the back entrance so that I'd avoid all the usual people I see. Apparently "Jessica" had the same idea too. She was as equally stunned as I was when we ran into each other. She looked as cranky as I did. She said, "Good Morning." I mumbled, "G'morning". Then there was silence. We began walking up the stairs to our jobs.
After a minute or so of silence, she began to make small talk with me. I didn't say much. I interjected with a "Yea" or "That's crazy" to some of the things she was saying to me. As I approached my floor, she says, "I need to talk to you." I said, "Ok".
My mouth said ok, but my mind was saying, "Oh My God. She's going to make a pass at me & I'm going to have to hurt her feelings in rejection."
We walk all the way back downstairs to talk. When we get downstairs, she stops & looks at me. OH LORD! WHY IS SHE GIVING ME GOOGLY YES? I said, "What did you need to talk about?"
Then she dropped the bomb on me...
"You are one of the most egotistical persons that I've ever met in my life", she says.
WHAT! I was stunned. I said, "Excuse me?" She goes on to say, "You really need to get over yourself."
WHAT! At this moment, I'm really shocked. I said, "What is your problem?"
She says, "I should be asking you that question. You're the one acting like an immature child. I'm trying to be your friend. You act like I'm trying to get with you or something."
I didn't know what to say. I tried to piece together something remotely cohesive, but I couldn't. All I could say was, "You're trippin."
She says, "No. YOU ARE the one that's trippin. I know you're a Christian, but you don't have to be a complete stiff. Sharon told me that my joking makes you uncomfortable. I'm sorry, but you could've told me that. I would've been considerate of that."
I'm still unable to piece together a complete response. I felt really dumb as she put me in my place. I said, "You may be right. I should've said that your joking makes me uncomfortable." So, for the next 10 minutes or so, she & I have this dialogue. She was doing most of the talking because I really didn't have much of a response for her.
She ends our conversation by saying, "So yea babydoll you straight chicks are something else. You need to get over yourself. You're cute, but you aren't all THAT. You're breast are too small & you're not my shade of chocolate. You just aren't my type." She giggles, takes my blueberry muffin, bids me a good day & walks off.
NO SHE DIDN'T! SHE CAN'T SAY THAT TO ME...
I felt really small at that moment. Talk about an ego smasher. I decided that I wouldn't walk back up the stairs, so I took the elevator. As I rode the elevator to my floor, I began to replay the conversation in my head. I began to feel like Steve Stifler from the American Wedding.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M NOT YOUR TYPE? DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? YOU CAN'T REJECT ME. I'M EVERYBODY'S TYPE. THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
I was on some, "I'm hot & you're not" type stuff at that moment. When I got off the elevator, I headed straight for the bathroom. I took off my jacket & looked at my boobs. MY BOOBS AREN'T SMALL EITHER! Not her type of chocolate...I'M COFFEE BROWN THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
Once I left the bathroom, I headed to the office. I saw Nolan sitting at his desk. I walked over to him and said, "Nolan, am I pretty?" He looks at me & says, "Uhhh. Yea. Why?" I said, "No reason. Just needed a little validation." Nolan rocks!
After the humiliation wore off & the humility set in, I was cool. I can chalk this one up & keep moving. She made me feel little.
But that's ok though. Because "Jessica"...YOU'RE NOT MY TYPE EITHER!
Posted by Timi at 11:58 PM | Comments (7)
March 3, 2005
Don't Wake Me, I'm Dreaming
I'm dreaming, so just let me sleep. Don't wake me up til my dream is complete...
Have you ever had a really great dream in which you didn't want to end? I had one of those dreams last night. It was enticing. It was almost like a fantasy. I wanted to stay asleep forever.
I dreamed that I was traveling the city of Detroit with a friend. This friend accompanied me to Detroit, so I was his tour guide in a sense. I was so happy that he was with me. He was beautiful. I know beautiful isn't a great adjective to describe a man, but he was gorgeous. His skin was a deep brown complexion & when the sun shined on his face, he appeared to be golden. He was tall, perhaps around 6'2 - 6'3. He had a stocky build. I'm guessing that he weighed anywhere from 230-240. His smile was enough to make me melt.
I'd never seen him before (in real life), but I recognized his voice to be of someone that I know very well. I even called him by that person's name in my dream. He was perfect. I enjoyed showing him around the city. He was eager for me to share my knowledge of the city of Detroit with him.
We traversed the city on foot & by car. I showed him where I stayed when I lived in Detroit. I showed him my favorite hangout spots. I shared some history with him. He was great to talk to. As I walked hand in hand with him, I thought, "God. Is this man my husband?"
The dream ends abruptly at one of my favorite spots in the city of Detroit. My friend & I stood near the corner of Trumbull & MLK. We were about to visit Pilgrim Church. Pilgrim Church holds alot of wonderful memories for me because it was there that I learned the true meaning of Holistic Ministry. When I lived in Detroit, I worked at Pilgrim Church as part of a summer project that I was involved in. I helped to serve food to the poor & I also visited the elderly at a neighboring elderly home. It was a great experience for me. I met people that changed my perspective on life. They changed my thinking about poverty & what real community service is.
So in the I'm taking my friend over to Pilgrim Church. On the way, I'm pointing to landmarks. I pointed to the Ambassador Bridge. I pointed to the Renaissance Building. I told him a funny story about being chased by a cat. All the while he just smiled. When we arrived at Pilgrim, Bro. Ed was outside. He immediately recognized me and ran over to hug me. I introduced my friend to him. Bro. Ed gave him a big bear hug as well. It was exciting to see all the people again. I got a chance to chat with Pastor Covington once more. It was great.
It was lunch time at Pilgrim, so they were passing out lunch to the dozens of homeless men & women who frequent the area. My friend & I found a section of lawn across from the church to sit & have lunch. As we shared lunch, he & talked more about the city. I told him that I wanted to visit Mother Walker. Mother Walker is a lady that I met while making out morning rounds at the elderly home. She was an amazing lady. My friend said that he wanted to visit her with me. He said, "I don't want to leave." I said, "Good. Because I don't want you to."
We finished lunch. He stood up & extended his hand to help me up. He grabbed my hand. I became really excited about seeing Mother Walker. I was in a hurry to get there. As we walked, I saw the peacocks that I became so familiar with. My friend stopped me & pulled me close. He was about to say, "I love you" when this homeless guy approached. He said, "Hey sis. Can I borrow $10? I get paid tomorrow, I'll give it back to you."
I woke up only to find my little brother standing over me. He said, "Please? I'll give it back to you tonight." I was upset with him. I said, "You ruined my perfect dream!" I looked at my clock & it read 7:12am. My brother kept begging me for the money. I gave it to him so that he would allow me to go back to sleep. I was anxious to go back to sleep in hopes of picking up where the dream left off. lol.
It didn't happen! I went back to sleep, but I didn't dream of my love in Detroit. I dreamt of wombats & guinea pigs. I awakened from that dream mad as hell at my brother. If he hadn't woke me up, I could've still been in my Detroit fantasy. I could've hugged Mother Walker. My friend would've told me that he loved me. We could've cuddled by the fountain in Belle Isle. He & I could've kicked it over a vege pie at Pizzapapolous. We ridden the People Mover. We would've taken black & photography of the old Train station on Michigan Ave. This train station is one of the most beautiful structures that I've seen in my life.
Perhaps the dream the dream would have progressed. My friend would've become my husband. We could've taken our children to the Charles H. Wright Museum of African American History. We could've taken them to the freedom statues in Hart Plaza. We could've told them about Detroit's role in the Underground Railroad.
Wow. What if? All the possibilities that could've existed in one dream. My brother sucks so much right now...
Posted by Timi at 10:04 PM | Comments (5)
March 2, 2005
The Incredible Walk
I've finally given The Phanatik's "The Incredible Walk" a full listen, and I like it. I like it alot. I heard a few tracks prior to it's release, but I wasn't really feeling all of them. However, after listening to the full CD, I've found that I'll definitely be rockin this joint for a while.
I'm so biased. It's rather difficult for me to write anything bad about The Cross Movement, but it's been a while since I've actually enjoyed any release from The Cross Movement. Holy Culture was pretty hot, but I'm so loyal to "Human Emergency". The solo projects have not been that great. The Ambassador's "Christology" was amazing. Every project by a CM artist therafter has been well...not so great. Truth's album totally disappointed me. Flame's album just...well...Flame is a nice guy. I don't want to rip his album, but it just didn't appeal to me.
I assumed that The Phanatik's album would disappoint me as well. I was pleasantly surprised. It's the best solo effort by a CM artist by far. Yes...I'm claiming that "The Incredible Walk" is better than "Christology". YES ADAM I SAID THAT.
It's a really gutsy effort. He tried something new & it paid off. Phanatik holds it down this time. With a multitude of hot beats and TRUE lyrical substance, The Incredible Walk is one of this year's top Christian Hip Hop albums.
My favorite tracks on the album are "Psych Check", "Odd Job", "Dirgy Dancing" & "Come Again". I wasn't really feeling "Me". The lyrics are hot, but the track sounds so much like something that Cam'ron & The Diplomats would do. I don't care for that too much. I didn't care too much for "The AmazingGrace" either. It has a Big Daddy Kane/Heavy D mood to it. The track would've been fire if it were produced 15 years ago.
The rest of the tracks are really decent. If you're in to Christian Hip Hop, I urge you to buy this album. If you've never heard Christian Hip Hop & want to give it a try, I'd recommend this album as well.
Take a listen if you please...
One more thing...
If you haven't heard Shai Linne's "The Solus Christus Project" then you're missing out on a true classic. PEEP THAT TOO!
Posted by Timi at 11:25 PM | Comments (8)