USS Clueless: Earth to Timi

I don't feel comfortable being around her. She's openly gay, and she makes jokes about her lesbianism (I don't think thats a word, but its going to work for the moment). Sometimes she'll joke around with some of my co-workers & try to include me in the act. I don't like that very much. She knows that I'm a Christian, and she'll deliberately makes crude remarks towards me. That's not cool.

Whenever she see's me with one of my co-workers, she'll jokingly say [to my co-worker], "Hey sexy. When are you gonna come pay me a visit?" My co-worker busts out laughing because she knows its only a joke. Granted they are just jokes, but I don't have to like them. So that's why I don't fool with the chick very much. Plus, I always feel like she's gonna try to hit on me or something.

I had it planted in my mind that she wanted me & was out to get me caught up. I ain't down with that. Many times, I deliberately avoid her. If I see her coming my way, I'll turn & head in the opposite direction. OK OK...That's a bit childish, but SO WHAT!

This morning, as I headed into to work, I ran into her. DANG! I was in a real anti-social mood too. I wasn't trying to talk to anyone. I had tried to enter our building from the back entrance so that I'd avoid all the usual people I see. Apparently "Jessica" had the same idea too. She was as equally stunned as I was when we ran into each other. She looked as cranky as I did. She said, "Good Morning." I mumbled, "G'morning". Then there was silence. We began walking up the stairs to our jobs.

After a minute or so of silence, she began to make small talk with me. I didn't say much. I interjected with a "Yea" or "That's crazy" to some of the things she was saying to me. As I approached my floor, she says, "I need to talk to you." I said, "Ok".

My mouth said ok, but my mind was saying, "Oh My God. She's going to make a pass at me & I'm going to have to hurt her feelings in rejection."

We walk all the way back downstairs to talk. When we get downstairs, she stops & looks at me. OH LORD! WHY IS SHE GIVING ME GOOGLY YES? I said, "What did you need to talk about?"

Then she dropped the bomb on me...

"You are one of the most egotistical persons that I've ever met in my life", she says.

WHAT! I was stunned. I said, "Excuse me?" She goes on to say, "You really need to get over yourself."

WHAT! At this moment, I'm really shocked. I said, "What is your problem?"

She says, "I should be asking you that question. You're the one acting like an immature child. I'm trying to be your friend. You act like I'm trying to get with you or something."

I didn't know what to say. I tried to piece together something remotely cohesive, but I couldn't. All I could say was, "You're trippin."

She says, "No. YOU ARE the one that's trippin. I know you're a Christian, but you don't have to be a complete stiff. Sharon told me that my joking makes you uncomfortable. I'm sorry, but you could've told me that. I would've been considerate of that."

I'm still unable to piece together a complete response. I felt really dumb as she put me in my place. I said, "You may be right. I should've said that your joking makes me uncomfortable." So, for the next 10 minutes or so, she & I have this dialogue. She was doing most of the talking because I really didn't have much of a response for her.

She ends our conversation by saying, "So yea babydoll you straight chicks are something else. You need to get over yourself. You're cute, but you aren't all THAT. You're breast are too small & you're not my shade of chocolate. You just aren't my type." She giggles, takes my blueberry muffin, bids me a good day & walks off.

NO SHE DIDN'T! SHE CAN'T SAY THAT TO ME...

I felt really small at that moment. Talk about an ego smasher. I decided that I wouldn't walk back up the stairs, so I took the elevator. As I rode the elevator to my floor, I began to replay the conversation in my head. I began to feel like Steve Stifler from the American Wedding.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M NOT YOUR TYPE? DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? YOU CAN'T REJECT ME. I'M EVERYBODY'S TYPE. THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

I was on some, "I'm hot & you're not" type stuff at that moment. When I got off the elevator, I headed straight for the bathroom. I took off my jacket & looked at my boobs. MY BOOBS AREN'T SMALL EITHER! Not her type of chocolate...I'M COFFEE BROWN THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

Once I left the bathroom, I headed to the office. I saw Nolan sitting at his desk. I walked over to him and said, "Nolan, am I pretty?" He looks at me & says, "Uhhh. Yea. Why?" I said, "No reason. Just needed a little validation." Nolan rocks!

After the humiliation wore off & the humility set in, I was cool. I can chalk this one up & keep moving. She made me feel little.

But that's ok though. Because "Jessica"...YOU'RE NOT MY TYPE EITHER!