USS Clueless: Earth to Timi

There were 5 of us on the roundtable panel. It was myself & 4 others my age or slightly older. There were 3 women & 2 men. We each took turns answering the kids questions. There was an abundance of questions. The kids certainly weren't shy about their curiousity. At times, I wish they had been. That would've saved me some rather awkward moments.

One young lady asked, "What's wrong with pre-marital sex?" One of the sistas their broke it down for her, so I didn't have to touch that question at all. One of the other kids wanted to elaborate on the question. He asked, "If you're engaged to be married to a woman. Why can't you have sex if you know that she's going to be your wife?" A brotha on the panel handled that question. I wasn't even trying to touch that one. That would've required me to explain technicalities that I really didn't want to delve in to.

Towards the end of the roundtable we gave the kids to single us out in their questioning. Each one could pick which one of the panel members that they wanted to answer their question. The kids were just asking away.

One guy on the panel was asked, "Do I have to go to church to be a Christian?"

A married sista was asked, "How did you know that your mate was 'The One'"

Another guy on the panel was asked, "How do you as a man in this world continue living for God without interruptions?"

One sis was asked, "Why does the bible say that a woman is supposed to submit to a man?"

I didn't get asked questions like that. The most curious out of the bunch asked me their most curious questions. The first question I got asked was, "How far is TOO far?" I tried to pretend as if I didn't know what the girl asking me. I said, "What do you mean?" She gave me this sly smile and said, "YOU know what I mean."

DANG GINA! I didn't know where to begin. I started off jokingly saying, "If you have to ask me that question, then you've already gone TOO far." I gave her some scriptures. I told her that our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit. I gave her my experience in going "too" far with men. I was VERY open with these kids. I shocked myself. I told them things that I've only shared with my bestfriend. It felt great to be able to be so honest, and to have someone respect that honesty. That question allowed everyone to be open & honest. I think the kids have a better understanding of what "too far" might be.

I thought that was the end of the awkward questions. Our moderator gave one kid the chance to ask the last question. Who did the kid choose to ask it to? Yes. Me. I had no idea of what this guy was going to ask me. I was not even prepared for the bomb he dropped on me. It took a good minute for me to wrap my mind around what he asked. The other folks on the panel stared at me like, "Oh snap!"

He asked, "Is masturbation a sin?" A moment after he asked the question, I said, "Man! Why can't I get the 'do I have to be baptized to go to heaven' kind of questions?" I sat there for a moment thinking of how to answer this question. I got nervous. I started rubbing my hands together. I began to brush my hands over my forehead. I grabbed the back of my neck. I began to comb my hair with my fingers...you know normal things one does when he's in an awkward situation.

Everyone was staring at me eagerly awaiting an answer. Finally, I said, "There is nothing in the bible that would lead me to believe that masturbation is a sin." It was so silent in the room, that I swear you could've heard a pin drop. I went to say, "The bible explains that we should abstain from sexual immorality, but I don't think that masturbation, in essence, is immoral. The thoughts that masturbation requires to thrive, however, are immoral." One of the guys on the panel asked me to elaborate further.

At that point, there was no retraction of statements allowed. I couldn't pretend as if the question hadn't been asked. I had to be honest, and I had to real. I said, "The bible explains to us in Genesis 8 that, 'A man's imagination is wicked from his youth', so it makes sense that pleasuring one's self harvests on that which is thought up. Masturbation requires us to think outside of our 'normal' realm. 99% of the time it forces our minds to travel into the world of fantasy in order for us to get "their". Mentally one has to think up a sexual fantasy to become physically aroused. And that's what gets us into trouble." I went on to explain to explain how those thoughts & fantasies can cause us to sin against God, thereby making the act of masturbation not such a wise thing to try.

Philippians 4:8: Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

God knows it's addicting. My mother used to say, "Once you've been to the mountain top honey, you won't want to come down." My momma aint never lied. If you "try" it once, you're guaranteed to "try" it again just to relive the feeling that you felt the first time. What seems like a moment of pleasure can bring us a world of anxiety. I know...because I've been there. I know that, daily, it's a task to beat our flesh into submission. No pun intended. It can be quite difficult to focus the mind on that which is Holy when all we see on a daily basis is that which is unholy.

As I was in the midst of explaining more, the same kid who asked the initial question asks, "So, if its not a sin can it be done without impure thoughts since its the thought that makes the act bad?" I'm thinking to self, "Self. Do I give him an honest answer or do I give him a 'church' answer." I said, "Yes it can be done without the impure thoughts, but it's darn near impossible to do so. Once again, it requires that mental interaction to get your blood flowing. If you want to keep your mind on Christ, then that's not the way to go. I'd suggest that you not do it."

After it was all over, one of the parents present for the discussion thanked me for being so honest & open. I started to cry. I told her that I didn't know if I should've been so honest with these kids. I said, "That boy is going to go home & try to do it without thinking about a girl and it's going to be my fault." The parent told me to stop it. She said that she applauded what I had done. Many folks in church are too tight-lipped about these kind of topics and they need to be talked about.

I began to think that she was right. I shouldn't be sorry for what I said. I could've lied. I could've told those kids something that wasn't even in the bible. I could've simply done what many christians do when they don't want you to do something...I could've made up a tale to scare them. I could've said, "Yes it's a sin and if you do it, you're going to hell." I'm glad that I didn't say any of those things though.

Too many times, we as questions bend or twist the truth to knock other into "submission" (if you will). We give people a bunch of legalism & doctrinal crap that can't even be found anywhere in scripture. For instance, the issue of alcohol. I grew up believing that drinking was a sin. I was told that Christians aren't supposed to drink alcohol. It wasn't until I got into college that I realized that wasn't so. The sin is not in drinking. The sin is in being drunk. So in essence, a drinker is not a sinner, however, a drunkard is. I don't drink (haven't had a sip of alcohol in almost 5 years), so I'm not condoning the consumption of alcohol...Im just making a point. I must emphasize that we should do things in moderation. Plus, if you know that drinking is going to bother a weaker brother, then you shouldn't do it because it could cause him to stumble.

So overall, after all of my tears have fallen, I think the roundtable went well. I look forward to more enlightening events such as these.