USS Clueless: Earth to Timi

I, being the certifiable genius that I am, decided to tuck the phone inside of my waist. My pants didn't have any belt loops, so I decided that sticking the phone between the waistline & my side would be a good idea. It wasn't. During my presentation before the clients, the phone slipped into my panties. I couldn't reach down to grab it for obvious reasons.

If I didn't make any sudden moves, the phone would've gently rested on my right abdomen. Nothing is ever that simple. About 4 minutes into my presentation, my phone starts vibrating. Someone kept calling me. I paused mid-sentence and everyone was looking at me like, "Go 'head black girl...you're wasting my time." I kept trying to finish what I was saying, but each time I tried the phone started to vibrate. I wanted to run out of the room, but that would've made me look insane. Instead, I finished my presentation. I tried not to make very many moves for fear that the phone would end up in a place that I really didn't want it to be. As the phone was buzzing & moving on my pelvic bone & I was trying to keep myself from reaching into my underwear to grab it.

I had two co-workers with me at the time. The two of them were looking at me as if to say, "What is your problem? You're going to blow the account!" One of them took over when I finished. I couldn't leave the conference room. That would've been bad. I sat down in one of the chairs carefully as to not force the phone into my crotch. All the while, my phone is blowing up. I was so mad at whoever was calling me. They knew that I would be at work! I crossed my legs to prevent the phone from slipping further. I was calculating moves in my head.

"I can quietly reach down & grab my phone without anyone noticing.", I said to myself. When everyone's eyes seemed to be fixed on my co-worker, I made an attempt to slip my hand down into my pants to retrieve the phone. When I did that, my other co-worker turned his head and caught me. His eyes got big. I hurried and pulled my hand from my pants. I began to shake my head at him trying, in an unspoken way, to tell him that something is wrong. He moved closer to me to try to comprehend, but at that moment it was obvious that we weren't paying attention & our other co-worker was very annoyed.

I had no choice but to leave the phone alone. It started vibrating again. It was driving me nuts. I uncrossed my legs. The phone slipped again. I was saying, "God help me." My co-worker sitting next to me leaned his ear closer to me. The phone was buzzing. He looked down into my lap, then looked up at me. He pulled out his notepad & wrote on a piece of paper.

"Please tell me that there is not something vibrating in your crotch?", he wrote. I wanted to laugh so hard. I told him that there was something in there. He wrote, "What the hell? Couldn't you wait until you got home?"

I replied, "IT'S MY PHONE YOU IDIOT!". He wrote back, "Your phone? How did your phone end up down there?"

My other co-worker finished his portion of the presentation, and it was now time for the one sitting next to me to reel the client in. The other co-worker worker sat beside me. I kept trying to get his attention, but he ignored me. My phone started buzzing again, and he heard it. He looked down into my lap. I pointed to my job phone to tell him that my phone was making the buzzing noise. He shrugged it off.

When the presentation was finished. One of the partner's at the client's firm asked me to explain something again. She asks if I could explain the model on the computer forcing me to stand up & walk to the front of the room. As I walked, I felt the phone slipping again. As I stood in front of everyone, I felt the phone slip into the area that I was trying to prevent it from. I said to myself, "If this phone starts ringing in it's present place, then I am going to cry."

I began to explain some things to the client. The phone starts to buzz. OH GOD THIS KIND OF CRAZY STUFF ONLY HAPPENS TO ME! I begin to move around a little to keep my mind off of the fact that the phone is chillin in my panties. When I finished, I asked if anyone else had another question. The room was silent, but my phone started to buzz again. One of the clients said, "Is there a bug in here?" I wanted to die. I excused myself. As I hurried out of the room, the phone fell out of underwear, slid down my pantleg & hit the floor. Everyone was staring at me. My co-worker walked over to me and said, "I'll get that for you."

I gave him the look of death. I whispered, "If you touch it, I will break your fingers." He started laughing. I grabbed my phone & hurried out. I was humiliated. I checked my phone to find that I'd recieved 15 text messages from my little cousins who decided that because of boredom, they'd make my afternoon a nightmare.

I'm pretty sure that my co-workers joked about it for the rest of the day. I left for home after the meeting. I don't want to show my face in the office tomorrow.