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August 6, 2005
[Trying To] Stand Still
What do i gotta do to make you understand that i want what's best for you and i always have?, but
Maybe you're confused about who I really am
Stand still and know I'm God - Mary Mary, "Stand Still"
I'm feeling a little sentimental right now. Naw...Im not feeling sentimental. I'm flat out emotional. I'm having one of those "moments". You know those kind of moments when it feels like EVERYTHING is just not going well for you.
Sick family, crappy job, stress, health issues, lapsing social life...you name it. The list goes on.
I called my bestfriend to cry in her ear. She lets me...which is why I take full advantage of it. I cried and vented about everything that seems to be sinking.
"I'm 26 years old. I should be enjoying my life right now. Instead, I'm still waiting for 'God to move' and things alright...", I cried.
"I've been there T. I know exactly how you are feeling", she responds nonchalantly.
"I'm tired. I can't do this anymore. I'm tired of being strong. I'm breaking. I wonder if I am here as a result of bad choices that I've made.", I said as the tears flowed.
"No. That's not it. This sounds cliche, but you have to just stand still. We can't solve our own problems. And one thing that helped me during my time of need is knowing that God does not change nor does He lie." She went on to quote a scripture from Hebrews 6.
What she said "hit home" with me. I actually listened. Not that I ever DONT listen, but I didn't try to interject...which is something that I usually do. I'm glad that I have such a wonderful & encouraging friend. I'm glad that she isn't one of those self-righteous "just pray about it" type people. Every "normal" Christian has come in contact with one of THOSE kind of Christians.
I hate it when people shove others off with the "Just pray about it" phrase. As a Christian, even I know that those words are easier said that done. Sometimes, "Just pray about it" isn't the answer that a person in dire need actually needs. I'm not saying that prayer is bad because we all know that it isn't. However, sometimes we as Christians use cliche-ish type terminology as cop out when dealing with really deep issues.
I've drifted a bit off topic. Forgive me.
As a christian, I can admit that have questioned (and sometimes still do) God's plan for me. I'm like "Dude. What are you doing?" I'm doing everything (ok...almost everything) that I'm supposed to do. I'm seeking some resemblance of normalcy. The only consistent thing for me right now is inconsistency. What's going on?
I know all the scriptures. I know the promises. I've been standing still for so long that my feet are starting to feel as if I've run a marathon in 6inch stilettos.
What is my problem? I DONT KNOW. I don't know
What now do I do? I'll continue standing. Perhaps, I'll stand until the blood stops circulating in my ankles and I'm forced lay on the group. Maybe then God will pick me up & carry me.
Afterall, He never promised it would be easy, but He did promise to be with us every step of the way...
Posted by Timi at August 6, 2005 7:42 PM
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Comments
Giiiiirrrrrrl...if you ain't speakin the truth! maaaan...thank you for writing this. I REALLY needed to read this today sis. Blessings to you and yours...and no matter how much my flesh is against me saying this: God WILL come through...He HAS to. *learning to stand still*
Posted by: Christine at August 7, 2005 8:11 PM
despite all things that we wanna hear, sweetie, it's those cliches that often carry with them the words of life.
i don't know...
let's pray...
God is in the midst of your suffering...
and i think that last one is key (as is prayer and standing on the promises). 'cuz God will straight-up make us wait like a criminal lawyer in purgatory. and he'll work through and IN those messed up times to redeem our time and transform us into the likeness of his son.
nothing pretty about it (yet). nothing easy about it (ever). if it helps (and, honestly, sometimes it spooks me. haha) there is a great cloud of witnesses cheering you on. let me add my voice to that.
timi and chris, i love ya lovely ladies of the Lord.
much love and
peace,
j.
Posted by: Jason Dye at August 8, 2005 12:41 AM
Hey T,
I know how you feel...One thing I have learned is how praise God even when Im going through. This weekend was a clear example of that! Some heartbreak issues resurfaced this weekend for me, but yesterday in church, my worship to God was THE best it has ever been in a long time!
I think God places us in those "unsure" moments so we just praise and worship Him, with no strings. Some times we are looking for jobs, and careers, and that bangin car, or that bangin house, and we give God a Praise and Worship list like we are going food shopping...(i.e Lord, I thank you for this new house and I claim it in Jesus name...) God is so so so so much more than that to be limited to a list of materials..."Seek ye first the Kingdom of God..."
Keep your head up T...I think you doin your thing girl! God just needed to corner you real quick so He can prepare you for that new level He's going to take you to!
Peace and Blessings!
Posted by: B.I.C at August 8, 2005 1:22 PM
I'm glad I read this too, because I've been feeling the same way and what you said is encouragement to me especially to know that I'm not the only one who questions God's plan for their life. Thanks for sharing this.
Posted by: Gabi at August 8, 2005 11:20 PM
i feel you on abstaining from chrisian cliches. it is so annoying to hear someone say those things to you when you feel and believe your world is falling apart. i am trying to balance my theology with my real world experiences. there is a such thing as a 'faith walk' and i am beginning to feel it is like walking on tightwire. you are in essence just trusting in an unknown hoping that it'll all work out. i am trying to personally balance the faith v. work method of living. yo, it is hard as you have said.
at the end of the day, i just do my best with what i have. i trust that God will make up for my inadequacies and get me where i need to be. the only reason i can still have faith in God is because i know where he has brought me from and i have seen Him so visibly in my life.
i used to wonder why it was so hard for non-believers to believe in God but it is really radical to do so. it is nothing but grace that has permitted me to stay faithful and stand in life's torential storms.
Posted by: brandi at August 10, 2005 9:18 AM
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