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January 28, 2006
Four By Four
I've been tagged by Carla!
Four Jobs You’ve Had
1. Telemarketer for a local theater company after I graduated high school
2. Canvasser for a US PIRG in college
3. Cashier at a parking garage while in college
4. Consultant
Four Movies You Could Watch Over and Over
1. The Color Purple
2. American History X
3. Forrest Gump
4. Primal Fear
Four Places You’ve Lived
1. Detroit
2. DC
3. Philly
4. Delaware
Four TV Shows You Love to Watch
1. Good Times
2. Cosby Show
3. Clean House
4. Cold Case FIles
Four Favorite Books
1. When Chickenheads Come Home To Roost, Joan Morgan
2. Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis
3. She's Come Undone, Wally Lamb
4. Tar Baby
Four Places You Have Been on Vacation
1. Atlanta
2. New York
3. Virginia Beach
4. Ohio
Four Websites You Visit Daily
1. CNN
2. Pro Sports Daily
3. Yahoo
4. Atom Films
Four Favorite Foods
1. Grilled Chicken
2. Orange Chicken
3. Mixed Vegetables
4. Curry Vegetables
Four Places You’d Rather Be Right Now
1. South Africa
2. Detroit...SUPER BOWL BABY!
3. Bahamas
4. Shopping
Four Bloggers You’re Tagging
1. Jason
2. Adam
3. JoiDoe
4. Gabi
Now go on...tag somebody!
Posted by Timi at 9:13 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
January 22, 2006
Promise To Self
From this day on, I vow to live life to the fullest:
I will not think of offending anyone.
I will not think twice about what I do (because common sense always prevails anyway).
I will live on the edge.
My actions driven by impulse.
I will be spontaneous.
I will further study the mysteries of God. Afterall, I am His creation...and a mighty fine one at that.
I will appreciate myself more.
I will not date exclusively...on second thought...I will not date at all. Note to Men: Learn the definition of "courtship"
I will forgive all previous offenses against me. I need to do this for personal & spiritual reasons.
I will be more active.
I will be more social.
I WILL HAVE FUN!
I will write more.
To be continued....
Posted by Timi at 11:23 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
January 9, 2006
Burn My Eyes
I saw the movie Hostel last night. I'm almost speechless.
I'm going to assume that the title of the movie is a homonym for the word hostile. Hostile is putting the movie rather lightly.
I can say, without any reservations, that Hostel is the one of the most disturbing & disgusting movies that have been produced to date. It's awful. The first half of the movie was a straight up porno and the second half was torture. It was terrible.
So...um...take it from me. Don't waste your time or your money to go see Hostel. It's crap.
Posted by Timi at 12:14 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
January 7, 2006
Heartbreak Hotel
So the story goes....
When I was first born, my father look at me and proclaimed, "That child is going to break many hearts."
My father may have been correct, but nobody ever told me that I'd get my heart broken. Or that when it is broken...it hurts so bad.
Nobody told me that I'd end up crying over something that seems so silly. Noone that the tears would fall and when they fell they'd make me feel even worse.
I didn't believe Toni when she said she couldn't eat or sleep.
I was never warned of the bottomless feeling in my stomach. The sick feeling of agony. The final realization. Why did I trust him again?
When he hurt me the first time, I told myself that I'd never subject myself any kind of hurt...ever gain. I thought everything was ok. How was I to know that he was growing weary of the wait. It had been 2 years. He never made "the wait" an issue. Neither did I.
He and I met in Atlanta during a job training. We clicked instantly. They say you should never mix business with pleasure, but I was attracted to this guy. Plus, he and I weren't doing business with one again...we just worked for the same company in two different states.
There was nothing overtly attractive about him. If GQ Magazine ever did a spread on the 500 sexiest black men, then he would've made #501....runner up. But that didn't turn me away. I have a tendency to choose character over physical attributes. His personality was as boring as snails, but his conversation was intriguing. When he spoke, I wanted to listen. The sexiest southern accent parted his lips. He was slightly heavier than men I'm used to dating...but there's nothing wrong with that. I like big guys. I'll settle for a big country linebacker any day. He didn't stand above 5'9...which was a problem but I dealt with it. I possess the tall gene thanks to my daddy. If he and I ever got married and had sons, I would've prayed that they got my genes. He called too much...once I checked him on the issue...he still called too much...but I dealt with it. It only takes one finger to push the ignore button on a cell phone. This can work.
It was going good...until he visited me one week and completely ignored me. I noticed that he was extra touchy feely, but I attributed that to the fact that we hadn't seen one another in awhile. We hugged. We kissed. I played table tennis with his hands...smacking away each hand's attempt to touch me in forbidden places. When I didn't let him touch me, I found him to be quite cold towards me.
Never in my weirdest dreams would I imagine him to sleep with another woman and call me at work to confess. Why would he call me on my job to come clean? I have no clue, but I know that I locked myself in a bathroom stall and I cried. Talk about gull. I would've been better off not knowing at all.
I decided to cut ties with him after that. It last for a good month. Then against my better judgement, I chose to forgive him. Flash forward a few months. Things are going ok. He & I have exchanged the "L" word a few times. He told me that I said it less times than he did. I'll admit to that. I'm not the world's most affectionate person. I tend to hold my feelings in. Which isn't the best thing to do, but that's how I do it. Yes...I know that I need to work on that area in my life.
To make a much longer story short...at the point in which I was able to say, "Ok...I think I can do this whole commitment thing. I've been very open about everthing. I'm happy. I'm in love"
All is in the universe, then the cosmos collide. BAM!...throwing everything off of it's happy little axis. He admits to sleeping with another woman yet again. As if that wasn't bad enough, the blame for his actions was shifted to me. Somehow, if I had been less resiliant in my stance to remain a virgin, then all would have been fine. That stung.
I won't pretend to be completely innocent. I've seen more & have experienced more as a virgin than I should have. It has taken a long time for me to willingly admit that to folks but it's true. I can freely admit to that without guilt (any longer). Now in saying that, I can honestly admit that nothing sexual ever happened with he & I. Minus a kiss or a hug. We discussed it..who doesn't? You have to be completely dumb in order to believe that you can have a relationship with someone without ever discussing sex. But he was celibate. He was doing well. I noticed that he was starting to lose "the good fight", but I told him that the end would be worth it.
I don't know what to make of it. I'm left hurt, confused & angry. My mind has been reeling with tons of thoughts.
Maybe I deserved this for all the bad things I've done in my life?...they say Karma is a b****
Why am I holding out? God...what is your exact plan for us sexual creatures? Religious & societal scare tactics no longer work on me...I'm 26 years old....16 passed me a long time ago.
I should've never forgiven him the first time. I must be the biggest fool ever.
Is this how a broken heart is supposed to feel? God...I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone.
The thoughts won't subside. I'm told that the pain will heal with time, but it just gets worse everyday. I feel like my pride has been stomped. I let my guard down and now I feel completely vulnerable.
This sucks
Posted by Timi at 7:41 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 5, 2006
Merry New Years
[edit] Ok so this future posting thing doesn't work as well as I thought it would. I posted this entry on January 2 [/edit]
HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE!!
No resolutions for me. I never keep them!
I did manage to enjoy my New Years Eve. I went to a party. I was good until the DJ played "Conceited" by Remy Martin. I tried to be good...but as my buddy Timi said, "You only get to celebrate the incoming of 2006 once."
You ain't neva lied Tim.
*sings* ...I'm happy, another me there never can be. See, I'm so outstanding. Don't care if they can't stand me. I'm sittin on top of the world like Brandy...See I look too good to be drivin' that, and I look too good to be buyin' that. You know I look way too good to be tryin' that. I'm conceited, I got a reason
Cheers to a new year!
Posted by Timi at 8:41 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack